The End of My Computer Game Addiction. My girlfriend and I are having an affair.
In March, the unbearable pains finally subsided. However, heartburn, bloating, and feeling of fullness still accompanied me until the end of March. My mother's general practitioner instructed me to keep a nutrition diary to find out if my abdominal complaints could be related to my diet. So, from March 12th to March 28th, I started documenting my diet.
For breakfast between nine and eleven o'clock, I usually had toast with vegetarian spreads such as bell pepper spread, almond cream, chocolate spread, or jam. Along with that, I had a cup of coffee or something for my abdominal discomfort, a fennel-anise tea. For lunch, I had a vegetarian dish in the cafeteria and occasionally indulged in a glass of Pepsi. After lunch, there was often cake in the cafeteria as dessert, accompanied by a cup of coffee. In the evening, it was mostly toast with spreads or leftovers from lunch that my mother had cooked. The complaints such as feeling of fullness, bloating, loose stool, and heartburn mainly occurred in the afternoon and evening. Pain only occurred on some days after lunch, such as after pasta bake and fried potatoes.
In the last three days before submitting the nutrition diary to my doctor, the heartburn suddenly disappeared, and the feeling of fullness did not occur with every meal anymore. I informed the doctor about this, and she couldn't find anything critical about my diet.
A week before submitting the nutrition diary, I had a meeting with Prof. Jeckelmann regarding my master's thesis in his research group. He suggested the topic "Charge density waves in alternating spinless fermion ladders" to me. This involved modeling one-dimensional and two-dimensional chains filled with quantum mechanically interacting spinless particles. Depending on the strength of the particle interaction, a phase transition occurred, which needed to be determined numerically. I did this using the programming language "Python." It was a complex task since the phase transition was not easy to determine numerically. Nevertheless, I decided to choose this topic.
The Old Acquaintance
End of March 2022. As I scrolled through my LinkedIn feed, I came across the section where profiles of other people were suggested to me. After a quick glance, I saw a group of middle-aged men dressed in suits, none of whom I knew. As I continued scrolling, I noticed an attractive redhead. On closer inspection, I immediately recognized her: it was Mara. Several years ago, she had interviewed me at the university about my experience with writing on the tablet - a time before the COVID-19 pandemic when writing on the tablet at the university was not as widespread as it is today. Even during the interview, I admired how beautiful her red hair, braided into a bun, was. I even fantasized for a while back then about having sex with her. I was somehow surprised in that moment to see her suggested to me here.
I moved the mouse cursor over the "Add Contact" button. I hesitated. Why should I do this? Would she even accept my request? After pushing aside my concerns, I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach as I sent the contact request. In the past, there had always been a strange coincidence: every time I intensely fantasized about a person for several days, I encountered that person again with a delay of several weeks or months. And now, here I was again in a similar situation.
Today, I talked on the phone with Jule, and she told me that she's trying to spend time with her new colleagues so as not to be alone. Her Airbnb accommodation with a woman and a five-year-old child turned out to be a small and quite uncomfortable room. There was constant shouting and arguing between the mother and the child in the accommodation - and all this with a British accent. It's understandable that Jule was always motivated to do something in London after work, such as visiting theaters and museums.
After two days, when I logged back into LinkedIn, I noticed the red icons in the corner. Mainly, there were a variety of job suggestions, but in the midst of this assortment was the notification that Mara had accepted my contact request. A small feeling of happiness flowed through my body. When I clicked on the message icon, I noticed that Mara had written me a detailed message. Before I started reading it, I thought she might ask me if we knew each other. I suspected that she might have already forgotten me. However, as I began to read the message, I felt a rush of dopamine. She still remembered me and was fascinated by my profile description on LinkedIn, where I raved about my project universaldenker.org and advertised my upcoming biography book.
"Will you send me the manuscript once you're finished?" she asked curiously at the end of the message.
I replied to her message elaborately and affirmed her question. From then on, we started regularly chatting on LinkedIn until she gave me her phone number just before her vacation at the North Sea. From that point on, we exchanged voice messages regularly via WhatsApp, discussing our daily experiences, hobbies, goals, and dreams.
I spoke with Jule several times a week, and by now, she had settled well into her workgroup and regularly went out with her colleagues. She even arranged to meet with an Indian coworker who had previously done his doctoral thesis in Hanover and was visiting London. Additionally, she worked closely with a Chinese master's student named Shinshu. Shinshu showed interest in Jule, but she explained to him that she was already in a relationship, after which he withdrew his interest.
I also told Jule about Mara and how we got along well and met in a cat café. She was thrilled that I was finally doing things with others and not doing everything alone anymore.
Falling for Shinshu
April 2022. With each phone call between Jule and me, I could feel how much she enjoyed her time with Shinshu. She was in love. One day, she told me how she lay sleepless in her bed, her thoughts revolving only around Shinshu. She couldn't even concentrate on her work when he was tinkering with an optical table in front of her. What was worse, she could no longer keep these feelings secret from me. I was very surprised when I heard this for the first time, and I thanked Jule for entrusting me with her feelings. In that moment, she felt a great relief that she could tell me without me making accusations or ending the relationship directly."In those moments, I realize how important you are to me, Sasha," she said, her voice choked with tears. Our conversation lasted late into the night.
"Let's try to sleep, Jule. I'm sure we'll find a solution," were my penultimate words.
"I love you, Sashi."
"I love you too, my darling."
Lesson from this time: Talking to my partner about feelings is the best way to emotionally connect with them.
Sleeping in the Same Bed
April 2022. As we sat on a bench by the river at the end of our city trip to Osnabrück, I told Mara about Jule's infatuation. She was amazed by our open communication in the relationship and the strong bond we had. Over time, Jule and I had learned to openly discuss our feelings, and this ability was one of the foundations that kept our relationship stable even in difficult times.
However, our relationship was in a deep crisis even before Jule traveled to England. Although we regularly discussed our problems, we could only temporarily overcome the crisis, only to fall back into it a few weeks or months later. While we talked about our issues, we didn't really resolve them.
Then a much bigger problem arose, one we had never faced before: another man had entered our relationship, whom Jule had fallen in love with. On May 3rd, this problem reached its peak: Jule asked me via WhatsApp if she could sleep in the same bed as Shinshu. They were planning a three-day trip to Wales. She couldn't rule out that more would happen there than just sharing a bed.
I allowed her to. It wasn't an easy decision, but I wanted to enable her to have this experience since, unlike me, she had never had intimate experiences with another person. Jule was infinitely grateful and assured me that once she returned to Germany, we would finally move in together. I wouldn't have been so open to it if I hadn't had the opportunity to take advantage of this chance as well. So, I asked her if it would be okay for her if theoretically I were to have an intimate relationship with Mara.
"Sasha, I can't forbid you what you allow me. Of course, you can," she replied calmly. Her answer didn't surprise me because Jule was never jealous when I mentioned other women or talked about my previous female contacts.
The Insulin Pump
May 2022. Next Saturday, I set off to meet Mara. However, I accidentally boarded the wrong train and couldn't get off. Panic gripped me as I feared I would end up on a siding. Fortunately, the conductor came and opened the door for me with a key.
Today, the train to Mara didn't depart from platform twelve but from platform thirteen. During my train journey, a rhetorically gifted, well-acting man gave a speech, clearly indicating that he urgently needed money. Everyone listened to what he had to say. I took the first step and handed him a ten-euro note. A bunch of other passengers saw my example and donated directly after me. I was already in a good mood because I would see Mara again today with all sorts of freedom, and the fact that the passengers imitated my charity made me even happier. It also made me a bit proud that my small act of kindness triggered a chain reaction and inspired other people to do good.
When I finally arrived in Lüneburg, Mara was already waiting for me at the train station. I was unsure which direction to go after leaving the platform. Should I go left or right? A quick look at the WhatsApp chat between Mara and me told me I should go left. Mara was waiting for me at the stairs. This reminded me of a story I had already told Mara in the park in Osnabrück, where Jana always waited for me at the stairs.
We then briefly went to Mara's apartment to drop off the ingredients I had brought for our joint cooking project. Today, we wanted to prepare millet with fried vegetables according to a recipe by Ben, who cooked on YouTube.
"How do you like my new black pinafore dress?" she asked me, leaning against the door as we entered the apartment.
"You look great in the dress."
"I bought it yesterday at the flea market."
She wore a striped blouse, dark tights, and black boots with the black dress, which reached halfway down her thighs. It was important to her to buy second-hand clothing because, as she always described herself, she was an eco aunt. After sustainability became important to me too, my taste in women had changed somewhat: eco aunts were exactly my type. Especially such a sexy eco aunt, who was seductively posing in her dress.
"Let's also get badminton rackets from the basement," Mara said while I unpacked the vegetables from the backpack and brought them into her small kitchen.
Afterward, we went to the park. We found a shady spot under a tree and played badminton for a while. Unfortunately, the pom-pom came off the shuttlecock during the game, and we ended it. After about ten minutes, I was slightly sweaty.
"Are you out of breath already?" Mara called out to me, waving the badminton racket. "No, it's just very hot. How about playing cards instead?" I called back, slightly out of breath.
Mara patiently explained the rules of Rummy to me again. The last time I played Rummy was in Denmark with Jule and her parents while we enjoyed an expensive Albanian cognac, which was a gift from Gogi to Jule's parents.
During the first round, it started raining. However, since we were sitting under a tree, the rain didn't bother us. Mara sat cross-legged but found it somewhat uncomfortable that I could see under her skirt. She placed a cloth bag between her legs to prevent this. As we played the third round of Rummy, the rain became so heavy that we decided to go back to Mara's place.
Arriving, Mara brewed a filter coffee, and we settled into the living room, where we enjoyed vegan chocolate with hazelnuts that I had brought along. Mara quickly finished her coffee and played me some songs she had recently discovered on Spotify while I slowly sipped my coffee. One song called "Sisters of the Light" impressed me particularly, as it had a fascinating blend of oriental and gothic elements.
After a musical coffee session, we cooked together. While Mara took care of the millet, I painstakingly chopped the vegetables with a dull knife. Mara handed me another carrot from the fridge that needed to be used up.
"I snagged that while dumpster diving. I just can't stand good food going to waste," she said to me as she stirred the millet and I heated the pan.
"I find that really commendable!" I replied, skeptically eyeing the somewhat oddly shaped carrot. It still looked very fresh.
"When I do shop at the supermarket, I always pick the ugliest looking vegetables. I know otherwise they'll end up like this carrot in the dumpster," she continued.
"No wonder! Most people just want to buy the prettiest and freshest vegetables," I agreed. When the food was finally on the table, I pulled out a small bottle of white wine from my bag, which we enjoyed with the meal. Mara also offered me a taste of an anise herbal schnapps, which tasted like licorice. While I didn't like licorice, the schnapps was good. Since then, Sambuca has become my favorite schnapps.
Unfortunately, the food wasn't seasoned optimally; the vegetables tasted somewhat bland. Probably I hadn't paid enough attention to it as I had been chatting with Mara during the stir-frying. We rated our meal 3.5 out of 5 stars.
With our bellies full, we collapsed onto the sofa. Mara opened her laptop and searched for a good movie on Netflix. She found the description of the thriller "The Nightingale" interesting, so without much hesitation, we started the movie. The bright sun shone through the windows, dazzling the laptop screen. Mara got up briefly, lowered the blinds, and then settled back on the sofa with her legs bent, while I sat down on the free space at the end of the sofa, close to her feet. Since the sofa was small, we couldn't avoid touching each other in our sitting and lying positions. My bent feet lightly touched her toes. Throughout the movie, we kept changing our positions, sometimes touching each other more, sometimes less. The sex scenes in the movie created an alluring tension between Mara and me. As the movie progressed, this tension grew stronger, and at one point, it became so intense that I simply placed my hand on her calf while her legs were bent on the sofa. I glanced briefly at her to make sure it didn't bother her. Mara smiled sweetly at me as I looked in her direction, and I could see her translucent panties through her tights. Near the end of the movie, my hand began to gently stroke from her calf to her thigh.
"Mmm I like it when you stroke me like that," Mara said with closed eyes and a smile on her face.
I became more and more confident as I realized that Mara was not at all averse to intimacy with me. I explored more and more parts of her body with my caressing hands, while Mara enjoyed it with her eyes closed and her slight grin revealed how much she liked it. My hands were already making their way under her dress to her bottom and the insides of her thighs.
"Let's go to bed," Mara whispered to me and pulled me by the hand to her double bed. There I continued my caresses, this time on all parts of her body - from her ears to the tips of her toes. In addition, my kisses gave her extra pleasure: on her neck, hands, thighs, bottom and calves.
"You smell so good," I whispered as I took in her sweet body odor with my nose. Mara lay there with her eyes closed and enjoyed the kisses. A grin adorned her face.
I took off her bib dress and also caressed her upper body through her blouse. After I had also taken off her blouse and placed a few kisses on her bare stomach, I wanted to take off her bra too, but she stopped me.
"No, better not. I think they're too small."
So I turned my attention to the clothes I hadn't taken off yet: Her tights and then her red panties. Then I took off my shirt and lay down with my naked upper body on her almost naked upper body and felt her warmth.
"You're so beautiful," I whispered, filled with hormones as I looked into her sparkling blue eyes and gently caressed her cheek with my fingers. I kissed her on one cheek, then the other. Then on her forehead and then her soft upper lip.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" I whispered quietly to her.
"Yes, you can stay. But we have to leave the house tomorrow at ten o'clock"
She had a Bumble date with whom she is meeting for the third time and going hiking.
I moved down towards her naked vagina, kissed and stroked her thighs. Then I gently kissed her labia. She moaned and lifted her lower body upwards. She was obviously enjoying the last kiss. So I kissed her again - longer and much more intensely this time. She grabbed the back of my head and pressed against her pussy. Now I used my tongue and spit. I also moaned and smacked passionately. It gave me pleasure to spoil her. She was in complete ecstasy.
"Mmm, you taste so good," I said to her and continued licking.
Then I spoiled her with a little sucking game. She moaned even more intensely and lifted her body even higher.
"Oh God, wait! Please. Sit against the wall."
Without hesitation, I leaned back against the wall and stretched out my legs while Mara, on all fours on the bed with her bottom turned towards me, took a condom out of the bedside drawer. My penis was flaccid as I had concentrated fully on pleasuring Mara. Mara gently stroked my penis with her fingers until it became rock hard again after a few seconds. Then I put the condom on. Mara took a seat on my lap and inserted the penis into her vagina. It didn't feel as tight as I had originally assumed. I lifted my head slightly to look into Mara's eyes. Her beautiful blue-eyed gaze, her freckles and her tousled red hair mesmerized me. I could look at her for hours. It had been a long time since I had received such a seductive and loving look from a human being.
Mara moved her bottom slightly, sometimes sideways, sometimes up and down, to make sure my penis didn't go limp. She put her hands behind her back and suddenly her bra fell between us. My gaze wandered towards her breasts as I put the bra aside.
"You look beautiful," I sincerely complimented her breasts and kissed the area below her breast, then next to her nipple.
I hugged her tightly with both arms and supported her movements with my pelvis. Our speed continued to increase. The heat increased, despite the blinds being down and the fan blowing behind us. Our bodies were covered in sweat. She rode me like a proud conqueror on her steed, rubbing her clitoris against my lower belly. I gripped her buttocks firmly with my big hands and sucked gently on her nipples as she rode on tirelessly. After about ten or twenty minutes, she climaxed. I, on the other hand, was unable to achieve it as this was not my preferred sex position and the situation was so unfamiliar to me.
After Mara reached her climax, she fell exhausted onto the bed, half on her stomach and half on her side. She was now almost in the right position for my favorite position. I helped her by turning her completely onto her stomach. Then I supported myself on the bed with both arms and penetrated her vagina from behind. She felt much tighter in this position. I continued to fuck her for minutes and was still a long way from climaxing. My thoughts wouldn't let go of me at that moment. What was happening seemed so surreal.
Suddenly Mara's insulin pump started beeping. We had to interrupt sex. Mara had developed type 1 diabetes at the age of nineteen and therefore wore an insulin pump. An unknown error was displayed, which had never happened to her before.
"You must have driven the pump and me out of our minds," she said jokingly and stretched out towards the bedside cabinet. The insulin pump continued to beep and didn't work. After a few minutes of rummaging in the bedside cabinet, Mara became a little more frantic and reached for her cell phone. She tried to call the emergency services, but no one answered. Mara's hectic behavior and the constant beeping of the pump made me a little nervous.
"Let me try," I said to Mara and called the emergency services from my cell phone.
"Um, Mara? You have to press one," I continued after hearing the voice on the other end of the line.
Someone picked up and I handed Mara my cell phone. She read out the error code and started looking for something in the closet while holding the cell phone between her shoulder and ear and talking to the emergency operator. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Finally, she got batteries out of the cupboard and replaced them in the insulin pump. The beeping finally stopped.
"Okay, now it's working again. Thank you very much for your quick help. Bye," she said goodbye and gave me my cell phone back.
"The batteries were probably dead," she said relievedly to me. Then she sat on the sofa and refilled the insulin pump. I sat down right next to her on the floor. As someone who had never seen an insulin pump being filled before, I watched curiously what Mara was doing, kissing her legs in the process.
"Sasha, you're such an empathetic person."
"How do you figure?"
"I can't explain it to you. I just feel it right now," she replied, throwing me a quick glance with a super sweet smile.
"So, now we shouldn't have any more problems with the pump. Let's get ready for bed," Mara said, giving me a kiss on the mouth and heading to the bathroom.
A happy feeling surged through my whole body, and a wide grin spread across my face. I lay briefly on the bed, propping myself up on my arm, staring at the ceiling while my grin just wouldn't fade. I hadn't felt this happy in a long time.
Shortly after, Mara returned and handed me a toothbrush.
"You should also take a quick shower," she said to me, while I pouted. She leaned down to me, and we kissed multiple times on the lips.
I grabbed a clean pair of underwear and a T-shirt from my bag in the hallway and went to the bathroom. As I stood under the shower, the cold water streaming down my sweaty body, it felt like it was washing away the longing for genuine love that had built up within me over the past two years. Mara gave me what I had always longed for: a deep, loving gaze into my eyes that seemed to penetrate directly into my soul. Not a gaze into infinity that passed through me, as I had become accustomed to from Jule lately.
When I returned to the room after the shower, the light was off, and the blinds were raised. Moonlight streamed through the windows, illuminating Mara, who lay there in a T-shirt and new panties. I approached her slowly, so close that I could feel her breath on my lips. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. It seemed unreal to me that I had just shared intimacy with this beautiful girl. In that moment, I didn't care that I hadn't reached climax myself. For the first time in my sex life, I found more joy in pleasuring my partner than in my own pleasure.
I lay down behind her in bed and hugged her from behind. I breathed in the scent of her neck and hair and enjoyed her closeness.
"Mara, what just happened?" I whispered to her as we both looked out the window and watched the moon.
"I don't know. But I really liked it."
"I thought it was beautiful too," I replied, hugging her tighter and kissing her behind the ear.
Neither of us felt guilty. We also talked about how she would explain it to the guy from Bumble if he asked about her weekend activities. She definitely didn't want to lie.
"It somehow feels wrong to go on a date tomorrow. I didn't expect us to end up in bed tonight. Maybe I should cancel the date?"
"No, don't do that," I replied, "go and enjoy the hike. If he asks you what you did yesterday, just tell him the truth if you have feelings for him. If not, just say you were with a friend in the park and leave out what happened afterward."
Mara agreed.
We lay entwined, still talking about Jule and what she was currently doing in Wales with Shinshu.
"Jule is probably sleeping deeply, and Shinshu is lying next to her," I speculated.
"Or she's also lying awake with him in bed now, asking herself the same question about you," Mara commented.
It was already late. After our conversation, we tried to fall asleep. Mara quickly opened the windows to let some cooler air into the room, as it was hot. I changed my position and turned to the wall, my foot touching hers. I always liked to have physical contact while sleeping.
We both lay there awake, without saying a word. Outside, celebrating, intoxicated men passed by, making drunken noises. We laughed. A short time later, I dozed off and was awakened again by the howling engine of a passing show-off car.
Mara got up briefly and closed the windows. Then she picked up her phone.
"What time is it?" I asked her with a weary, tired voice.
"Half past three."
"I'll set the alarm for ten, otherwise we'll be totally tired by eight," she continued. Her meeting the next day was scheduled for eleven.
"Agreed."
"If you want, you can sleep in tomorrow. Just close the door when you leave," she suggested. I immediately accepted her proposal.
"Do you want to listen to an audiobook story?" she asked me, hoping we could finally fall asleep.
"Sure!"
A deep, male narrator's voice came on. It worked. I fell asleep after the first few words.
I had a dream about Mara...
We skipped hand in hand along the long Petrovsky Boulevard, on our way to the Don River. We kept looking at each other and laughing. Behind Mara was the Ferris wheel, and on my side, the deer on the mountain was visible. At the end of the avenue, I looked to the right again, but Mara was gone. Panic engulfed me.
"Where are you?" I called out, searching for her.
A passerby in a black robe and a headscarf approached me.
"Do you know where Mara is?" I asked impatiently.
The woman just looked at me and didn't respond. Desperately, I continued to search.
"Maraaaaaa?"
"I'm here," suddenly Mara's voice sounded directly behind me.
I woke up. It was already dawn outside. Mara lay very close behind me, her body turned towards mine. Her hand rested on my hip. I turned to her and felt her gentle breath on my face. I breathed softly, trying to inhale the scent of her exhalation. I never thought you could become addicted to carbon dioxide. She seemed to be dozing and not sleeping properly. Eventually, she turned onto her other side. I followed her and hugged her gently from behind.
"Mara, are you still awake?"
"Yes, I could only sleep very briefly."
I started to gently stroke her arm.
"Is it okay if I stroke you, or would you rather sleep?"
"I think it's beautiful. It's been so long since I've felt this tenderness," she whispered.
She pressed her bottom against my abdomen. I pressed against it. My hand slid along her arm to her bottom, from there in a circular motion to her soft belly under her T-shirt. Then I followed the same route again towards her bottom. From one buttock to the other, I could feel that her panties were damp. I pulled them halfway down her thigh on one side. Mara helped me with the other side by lifting her lower body slightly.
I dived playfully under the blanket.
"What are you doing?" I heard Mara's curious voice. I didn't answer.
"Hmm," Mara said as I pressed my face into her pubic area from behind.
Her pussy was clean-shaven and smelled so good. For the very first time in my sex life, I felt the scent of her intimate area like a drug. With circular movements, I massaged her pubic area with my face. I began to caress her labia with my tongue from the outside and inside. She turned onto her back. Her pussy was very wet. I put my index finger inside her and stroked her from the inside while I sucked in her clitoris and labia with my mouth again and again and then let go. Her moans became louder, but still quiet enough not to wake the neighbors.
I turned my sucking into a gentle kissing of her vagina and inner thighs and a short time later placed my head lightly between her legs.
"Did you like it?"
"That was the first time I came by licking," Mara replied with relief.
"Do you still have a condom?"
"I've got quite a few more," she replied and took one out of the bedside cabinet. She handed it to me. I opened the packaging and slipped the condom over my erect penis. Mara was already lying on her back with her legs bent. With a little effort, I was able to insert my semi-erect penis into her vagina. With gentle back and forth movements, it gradually became harder. Mara put her legs on my shoulders. I could feel the pleasure inside me getting more and more intense as I penetrated her deeper and harder. My penis was now very stiff and could easily penetrate her to the hilt. Our sweaty bodies made slapping noises with every thrust. I was getting faster and faster. My hands gripped her thighs even tighter. I looked deep into Mara's eyes as I fucked her. And then I finally squirted.
Completely sweaty, I dropped onto the bed and felt as exhausted as after an intense workout. Mara wrapped her bare, smooth legs around my lower body like a python, as if I were her prey. I turned my head to the right towards Mara and saw that she was smiling with her eyes closed.
A short time later, a beautiful bird chirping sounded. It was the alarm clock that gently brought us back to reality from our state of ecstasy, passion and tenderness.
"I'm afraid we have to get up," Mara whispered, looking deep into my eyes. "Will you get some bread rolls and I'll make some coffee in the meantime?"
"Sounds good," I replied, gave her a kiss on the forehead and rolled over Mara onto the other side to get out of bed.
"Where's the nearest bakery around here?" I asked Mara, who was still snuggled up in bed.
"Go in this direction along the road, then turn right and left at the next junction," she replied, while I had already found the nearest bakery on Google Maps.
"What kind of rolls do you like?"
"Grain rolls. Any kind."
I quickly pulled on my jeans and set off.
It was chilly outside. Every now and then the sun managed to fight its way through the clouds and cast its warming rays on my arms and face. When I arrived at the bakery, I realized that most of the rolls were already sold out. I picked up all three remaining varieties, including two with seeds, so that Mara would have a choice later.
When I got back to the apartment and rang the doorbell, Mara opened the door with a smile. Once upstairs, I gave her a kiss. The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the hallway. Mara hurried into the bathroom and I followed her to wash my hands. She stood in front of the mirror and applied mascara to get ready for the upcoming meeting with the Bumble guy. I watched her intently as I washed my hands.
"I don't like people watching me do my make-up. Go to the kitchen," she responded somewhat irritably.
I followed her instructions, went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. It was already set with two vegetarian spreads, a margarine, two mugs, a plate and a knife, a coffee pot and a ready-made muesli decorated with an apple that Mara had probably got hold of while out container shopping. The last drops of hot water seeped through the coffee-filled filter into the pot. I was pouring the coffee into the two mugs on the table when Mara came into the kitchen. She sat down opposite me and immediately started making a sandwich.
"I'd better take a roll with me and eat muesli now, otherwise I'll starve while I'm walking," she commented on her actions.
"Would you like some muesli too?" she asked me.
"No, thank you. I'd rather try this avocado spread," I replied and took a white roll out of the bag.
Short silence.
"I like what happened yesterday," said Mara, looking at me as she put the finished sandwich in a lunch box.
"I really liked it too."
"How interesting, you do it too," she said.
"What do you think?"
"You're also squinting your eyes and smiling as if you want to hug me from a distance like that."
"Oh, I didn't realize that. But you're right. I actually do want to hug you now," I said, walking over to Mara, sitting down on the floor and hugging her abdomen as I rested my head on her lap.
We both felt good. We didn't feel guilty and I didn't feel any jealousy about the Bumble guy or Shinshu. There was no falling in love and no urge or goal to throw away the old life and start a new one with Mara.
After breakfast, I said goodbye to Mara with a kiss.
"I hope we meet again soon. And feel free to tell me how the date with the Bumble guy went"
We hugged each other tightly and I breathed in the attractive, body-scented scent on her neck one last time.
"Of course we'll meet again."
When I arrived at the station, I took the train to Hanover at half past eleven and then spontaneously got off in Löhne because it was announced that the train to Hildesheim was on the opposite platform. My mother said she could pick me up from Hildesheim. On the train, I wrote down notes about what I had learned about Mara today. My cell phone vibrated. I got a message from Kirsten, a former friend of mine from my philosophy course who was studying political science and whom I hadn't seen for a long time. She suggested that we meet on Thursday of the following week at Hohnsensee in Hildesheim. I had karate that day, but I thought I could skip it for a change.
Mom was already waiting in the parking lot in her freshly washed, gleaming white VW Golf, which she had bought on credit not so long ago because her old Peugeot kept breaking down and the repair costs far exceeded the value of the car.
"Hello, mom! Thanks for picking me up!" I greeted her as I got into the car.
"Privet Sashul, how are you?" she asked me and drove off.
"Fine, and how are you?"
"I've been stressed on duty again, I had to fill in because a lot of people got sick. And from tomorrow I'll be on night duty for five days," my mother complained about her work at the nursing home.
"And what did you do in Lüneburg?" she continued curiously.
"I visited a good friend. Her name is Mara."
She looked at me in the rear-view mirror.
"Sash, don't do that to Jule."
"Don't worry about it. Mara and I are just friends," I tried to cover up my sexual relationship with Mara.
"Don't go to Mara's anymore. You won't find anyone like Jule anywhere. She's such a great girl and is part of our family."
"Mom, Jule already knows about Mara. She's okay with me visiting her. We've talked about it."
Mum was satisfied with my answer, although she was still skeptical.
On arriving home, the smell of food spread, reminding me that I was hungry again. I quickly washed my hands and then went into the kitchen to put the mashed vegan zivapcici mom had prepared on my plate. My mother did her make-up in the mirror.
"Where are you going?" I asked her.
"To Sasha's"
I thought that she was no longer with this Russian, but I didn't ask any more questions because that was typical of my mom's behavior: breaking up first and then making up the next day. Instead, I went out onto the warm sunlit balcony, sat down and took a bite of the zivapcici. The little insects buzzed around the flowers my mother had planted. It was the beginning of May and nature was slowly awakening from its winter sleep. At that moment, I began to miss Mara. I had an emotional resonance. I had learned this term when I read something after dinner about high sensitivity, which I didn't know much about yet. Around seventeen o'clock, my mother drove off to Northeim to see Sasha.
"Sashul, I'll come back tomorrow and tell you how it was. And take care of the apartment," she said to me, while I watched her from the balcony window as she checked everything again to make sure everything was off. Then I heard her closing the door and pulling it back and forth to make sure it was locked again. I spent the rest of the day on the balcony, processing what I had experienced with a long diary entry.
