January 12, 2024: Astrid the nerdy economist, a spontaneous date with Nastya and the mind-reversal method

January 12, 2024. I woke up at 8:30 a.m. I couldn't fall asleep for a long time, until half past two. I thought about the women I had met. I also imagined becoming a Kama Sutra master. I imagined women visiting me in my minimalist room and us trying out various Kama Sutra positions on my yoga mat. Somehow, my goal, which I had set back then, to "be a magnet for women," seemed to be coming true.

I took the bus. At the Philipsbornstraße stop, there was a brunette with thick glasses. I found her cute, especially with her chic black pants and black boots. She looked nerdy.

We both got off at Christuskirche. At the traffic light, she stood to my left and I spoke to her.

"Hey, do you also study at Leibniz University?"

"Yes."

"I've seen you in the library a few times. Sometimes on the fourth floor, I think," I said as we crossed the street.

"That's right, sometimes I'm on the fourth floor."

"And now you're going to the library too?"

"Yes, I have to study for the upcoming exams."

"Oh dear, I'm glad I'm done with that. What are you studying, by the way?"

"Economics. And what do you do?", she asked, interested.

"I also go to the library. I studied physics and edit YouTube videos for my YouTube channel there."

"Oh, so you use the library as your coworking space, so to speak?"

"Yes, exactly, a free coworking space."

"What's your name, by the way?", I asked and extended my hand to her.

"Astrid."

"Alexander," I replied, and we shook hands.

"You have a very exotic name. I only know one Astrid, the writer."

"Oh yes, you mean Astrid Lindgren. My name comes from Swedish and is quite rare."

We walked a few steps without saying anything. It was an uncomfortable pause; I know I probably wasn't fully awake.

"Say, would you like to have a little coffee break with me here at HanoMacke?"

"I don't have much time right now and I'm not interested in romantic dates."

"That's okay, I don't want to marry you right away either. It's just a first date to get to know each other and see if we're on the same wavelength," I said as we approached the fence behind which the library was located. "Is there anything against me leaving you my number and you contacting me after the exams?"

"No, why not," she said and handed me her phone with a new contact entry.

I entered my name and added a red heart. She noticed it and laughed. "In case you have another Alexander," I commented with a smile as well.

Then I entered my number and gave her the phone back.

Before we turned the corner to the entrance of the library, I asked her, "Do you also live near Vahrenwalder Platz?"

"Yes, exactly."

"In a shared apartment?"

"No, I live alone. And you?"

“I live in a shared apartment. I can't imagine living alone yet. I like it when you come home and someone is there,” I continued, “Don't you like living in a shared apartment?”

“I’ve lived in a shared apartment before. But that was enough for me,” she replied as we entered the library. A warm breeze flowed in. We said our goodbyes.

At 9:10 a.m., I arrived on the fourth floor. My usual spot was taken. At the end of the hallway, I looked left and right. Sarah was nowhere to be seen. I turned to the left to a free table right behind my usual spot.

As I unpacked my things (water bottle, biography, phone, charger, and MacBook) from the basket, Sarah came down the hallway past my table. We whispered a “hello” to each other. At first, I thought: Finally, she came without friends. My evening plan to invite her to a second date was coming true with a bit of delay.

Around 9:15 a.m., I spoke to Sarah. She told me she has an exam on January 31 and then a few more.

“So, I’m still interested in you. Shall we meet a second time? Let’s go out for cocktails in the evening.”

“I don't mind, but just to be clear, this is not a date.”

At first, I thought that what the woman said wasn’t what she meant: She turned to me, smiled, and was interested despite the exam stress.

I clenched my hand into a fist and coughed sarcastically into it. “Oh, sorry, that must be the cold.” Sarah understood my humor and laughed softly, without disturbing others in the library. “Of course, not a date,” I continued.

“I just don’t know when I’ll have time, I’m a bit behind with my study schedule.”

“Oh, don’t pressure yourself. We can play the question game after your exams.”

“But that’s only in April.”

“No worries, life goes on without our date. I’ll just give you my number and you can contact me whenever you have time.”

“Okay, agreed,” she said, took out her phone, and opened the dial pad. I entered my number, but I didn’t know how to save it. She did it then and saved me as “Alex.” At first, I wanted to say, “Sascha is better,” but I held back.

“Alright, then I won’t bother you anymore. Good luck with your studies!”

“Thanks, you too.”

I sat back down at my table. I’m glad I didn’t immediately invite her to my place for the weekend. That wouldn’t have worked out anyway, I’m sure of it. I need to build trust first.

I noted the meeting with Sarah in my diary and then went to HanoMacke punctually at 10 a.m.

In HanoMacke, I got myself a peppermint tea. Every sofa had an empty spot. People were sparsely seated. HanoMacke was still quite empty. Someone stood behind me in line. When I got my tea, I stood briefly at the counter to wrap the tea bag around the handle. The student behind the counter asked the next person, "What would you like?"

"A coffee, please," said the person who was behind me in line. I looked to my right. It was the student from Bumble, with the brunette hair, who had turned me down yesterday.

I sat down on a newly available sofa. A blonde woman had just gotten up and was getting dressed. I placed my tea on the table in front of me and let it steep. The blonde walked past me and the table and smiled at me. I smiled back.

With my arms folded behind my head and my right foot on my left knee, I looked around. Then the Bumble student walked towards me. She paused briefly in front of my sofa. She looked at each sofa. She moved closer to me, and I smiled at her. She smiled back and sat on my left on my sofa. I didn’t feel the need to do anything. I wasn’t needy. Instead, I drank a few warm sips of tea to make my voice sound clean and deep, and I sent a voice message to Lea and Johanna. I suggested a weekend date to Johanna. To Lea, I proposed a cocoa date today. Lea couldn't make it today.

At 10:30 a.m., I was back upstairs in the library. Across from me at my table sat a blonde student with a beard. And to the right in the middle of the table sat a brunette student with a black sweater.

It's 10:50 a.m. The 18-year-old special education student I had spoken to in the elevator, who said she was too young, approached my table. I couldn’t forget her distinctive outfit. She wore a black bow in her hair. We nodded and smiled at each other. She sat down across from me, next to the blonde student.

This time, she wasn’t dressed entirely in black but in white. With a light brown sleeveless sweater. She even had two white bows in her hair this time, and her long blonde hair was loose. She wore glasses with a gold frame and a matching gold watch.

Short break around noon. I saw Astrid in front of the library entrance. We smiled at each other.

In the library near the lockers, a tall red-haired student, whom I had never seen before, walked towards me. She hurried past me with a jacket and gave me a very broad smile and a long look.

"What was that?" I thought and felt enchanted. Upstairs, as I walked to my table, Sarah looked at me, and we smiled at each other. On the table of the student with the bow, there was a Red Bull and a small bottle of mineral water: Purple Edition. That’s not allowed in the library.

"What an interesting, innocent girl," I thought as I glanced at the student with the bow, "she looks like she wouldn’t hurt a fly, but somehow I feel she could also be a very bad girl if I look at the stickers on her laptop," I thought and wrote that in my diary.

At 12:40 p.m., I went to the bathroom briefly to refill my water. The student with the bow must have been in the bathroom too. We met between the bookshelves. She came to the table, and we smiled at each other again.

In the evening while shopping, I met Nastya, a Ukrainian woman who was my age and had also immigrated to Germany as a teenager. After she bought materials for crafts at the hardware store, we walked to the Espresso House and had a spontaneous date.

After the date with Nastya, I reflected and learned a lesson: to see women as people whom you first have to get to know as people. It’s important to build trust. The more time I spend with her, the more trust I build, and the more likely it is that the contact will remain. That’s why I’ll spend as much time as possible with the woman, e.g., during the approach. I should ALWAYS try to arrange a spontaneous date.

And somehow, it's fun to meet new people and spend time with them in cafes. Nastya even gave me a compliment: "You are very emotionally intelligent. That’s not typical for a physicist, I would say." I am really learning a lot about social interaction and discovering new things about people and different types of people. This expands my conversation topics and my ability to have good conversations.

Made salad at home. Lara was in the kitchen studying at the kitchen table. I took out the trash and vacuumed. Then I ate arugula and pepper salad with linseed oil.

While practicing a headstand in my room, I think about my hopefully permanent life without urination. I feel much more balanced, happier, and sexually attractive. Quitting masturbation was the best decision of my life. I hope this energy stays with me when I have real sex again.

Before going to bed, I corrected the diary entries from September 9 and 10. Somehow it was a bit cold, even though I had the heating set to level 2. I just laid my yoga mat next to the heater and continued correcting the entries. At that moment, I thought, "It's so cool that I can just move my bed and workspace around like this." I leaned back against the heater and felt the warmth that gave me goosebumps on my arms.

• Stool: 12:40 (firm).
• Food: 11:50 (two bananas), 19:50 (arugula and pepper salad with linseed oil and flaxseeds).
• Physical Feeling: 8/10. Slightly tired eyes (at least in the morning). A lot of dandruff in the beard - many flakes fall off when rubbing.
• Mood: 8/10.
• Physical Changes: It seems my eyebrows grow much slower in the middle since I stopped shaving or plucking them. I haven't touched the middle of my eyebrows for a long time because they look so good.

  Learnings: I can apply the method of thought reversal. As soon as an unnecessary negative thought arises, I turn it into a positive thought.