Megalomania. Eating on the floor. My first hemp underwear. Wooden broom instead of plastic broom. Brushing teeth with fingers? Strangers are my children?
October 12, 2024.
While listening to a podcast about dream interpretation yesterday, I learned that Carl Gustav Jung is the best reference for learning dream interpretation. He analyzed over 80,000 dreams. If anyone knows anything about dream interpretation, it has to be him. I also learned from the podcast that just before falling asleep, you should ask the universe a question—one to which you need an answer. At 10 PM, when the downtime on my phone kicked in, I did exactly that. Out of curiosity, I asked what I should do to make my diary world-famous and become a role model for millions of people.
I try to fall asleep...
A thought comes up: to transform my bedroom at home into a space of spirituality. I record the thought on my phone.
Next thought: to make the micro-changes in my past (like brushing my teeth without toothpaste) more visible by listing them in the diary entry list instead of burying them in the individual entries themselves.
I'm dozing off...
I wake up. It's 1:18 AM. My left nostril is blocked, and the neighbor’s little child is crying. The walls here are so thin that you can hear it perfectly.
I'm lying awake, thinking about sex with Julia. It turns me on. I think, sex with Julia fulfills all my sexual fantasies.
It's 1:20 AM. I laugh at a recent comment Julia made: "You smell like Play-Doh." I remember smelling under my armpit, the source of the Play-Doh scent. I have to laugh.
It's 1:40 AM. I'm still awake, and the question crosses my mind: How can I unite all the peoples of the world? Stop all the wars and save the human species from self-destruction?
"Unite all the peoples of the world," I whisper softly, repeating the question over and over. Goosebumps spread across my entire body. Once again, I almost feel like I'm about to experience sleep paralysis. But no, it doesn't happen. I'm still awake.
I wonder: How can I get Putin to kiss my feet and ask for forgiveness, as if I were Jesus and he the nameless prostitute from the story in the Bible?
I think to myself, I should definitely not write this in my diary. People would think I'm delusional.
It's 2 AM. I'm still awake.
"Mama, Mama," the neighbor's child screams, as if scared of something.
It coughs. The mother soothes the child.
Once again, a shiver runs through my body. "Unite the gods," a thought flashes through my mind, as if it wasn't my own. "Ritual. Summon your lightning. Tame your children." What are these emerging thoughts trying to tell me?
I think about how I lay in Julia’s arms, and she said, "If you call women goddesses, then you must be a god."
It's 2:45 AM. I feel wide awake and can't really fall asleep. "Conquer your fear," the next thought appears.
A ringing in my ear. A tingling sensation in my head, similar to what I felt on day two of the Poco Loco Festival during the trance dance in the evening.
"Unite the goddesses. Defeat the men," it scratches at the back of my head, "Beyond consciousness." What does all of this mean?
I get up and stand in front of my sister’s full-length mirror. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and I can see the black silhouette of my body.
"Mirrors are the destroyers of self-esteem," I thought.
Then I remembered a recent dream, where a woman appeared behind me and pushed my head into the mirror, shattering it.
I lay back in bed.
"Dune," "al Gaib"—what is this thought supposed to mean? Should I come up with a nickname too?
It's 3:24 AM. Falling asleep is impossible. I'm too awake. I get up, make myself some East Frisian tea and couscous, sit in the living room with my laptop, and write down everything I've experienced tonight in my public diary.
I go into the diary's backend and change my profession from "Writer" to "Prophet."
Oh no, that doesn’t feel right, I think. What am I afraid of? Whatever, I'm doing it anyway.
Then I delete the speech bubble image of myself from 2023 that appears in the title of the diary entries. And I make a few other small changes.
I check my phone. A text from Julia: "Oh yeah, I was supposed to remind you: Hands off the phone!"
Damn, I didn't completely stick to that, because I recorded my thoughts on the phone tonight. I probably shouldn't have done that. Maybe that's why I couldn't fall asleep properly?
At 5:30 AM, I finally got tired and lay back in bed while listening to a podcast about non-violent communication, and I fell asleep pretty quickly.
A few hours later...
"Stop complaaaining," I hear the neighbor say. "My God, why are you yelling like that," the mother scolds her child.
That's probably a good example of no non-violent communication. I look at the clock, it's half past nine, and I get up.
I started the day on my sunny balcony with an East Frisian tea and Precht's book about love:
- "Richard Dawkins is a deeply religious atheist. Like many religious people, he has a deep need for order, meaning, and an all-encompassing explanation," writes Precht. I find the term "deeply religious atheist" funny.
- Inheritance economics theory: Genes want to preserve themselves. Since this is impossible in a mortal organism, they pass on to the offspring. According to Hamilton and Dawkins, humans are merely "survival machines" for genes. 🧬
- What this inheritance economics theory cannot explain is the voluntary renunciation of mating, which exists not only in humans but also in animals.
- 1990s: The complicated process of evolution cannot be explained by genes alone. Genes are the bodywork, but not the engine of evolution.
After that, I tinkered with the diary a bit more, removed a Twig file and some CSS classes, and translated a few diary entries into English. I also added the benefits of a plastic-free life.
I started wondering: if brushing teeth with a fine cotton cloth really works, then the minimalist version would be to ditch the cotton cloth altogether and instead use my finger to brush in the same way. This would eliminate the need for cloths that I have to wash regularly, and I wouldn’t need to buy a toothbrush anymore because I’ll always have my "brush"—my finger—with me.
To test this theory, I’ll need to get plaque testers and compare the different brushing methods. If it turns out that brushing with the finger is at least as effective as using a toothbrush or a cotton cloth, I’ll toss out my toothbrush and only brush with my fingers. Flossing will remain, though.
I discovered a new AI tool today: Microsoft’s Copilot. It seems like a good alternative to ChatGPT, especially since I don't need to create an account like I do with ChatGPT. I prefer services that don’t require registration, so I’ll try Copilot for a few days. If it works just as well, I might delete my ChatGPT account and switch to Copilot.
At noon, I headed back to Hildesheim and settled into the "living room" (Espresso House). With a filter coffee and a sandwich, I watched the pedestrians through the window.
“My Child, my child,” I said, looking at each person individually, imagining they were my children—no matter if they were younger or older than me.
It’s not easy to see people as children, especially when they’re tough guys or men in Adidas tracksuits. Maybe I should start small and first try seeing just the homeless as my children. Has the trance dance from October 10th somehow changed me?
I bought a wooden broom with recycled natural bristles at Rossmann. This wooden broom will replace my plastic one. The cool thing is: I can unscrew the broom head and use the stick for combat training. 😄
Now I just need to find a dustpan made from natural materials to replace my plastic one. I set the plastic broom outside as a giveaway. The things I replace are usually picked up quickly.
Unfortunately, Rossmann didn’t have the plaque tablets for the process of brushing my teeth with my finger. I’ll have to find them somewhere else.
Then I went to the Nazar Market to pick up the jute fabric package, which I’ll use to eat on the floor instead of at the table.
On the way to Nazar Market: It’s 13°C and feels so warm. For my feet, 13°C now feels like summer.
On the way back, both the broom and the metallic fruit basket that I had also put out for giveaway were already gone.
I swept the kitchen with the new broom and set up the dining area. I moved the large plant from the living room to the kitchen since it takes up too much space in the bedroom and isn’t practical there. It now covers a sharp corner pointing towards the dining area. As much as possible, the dining room now follows the principles of Feng Shui.
I prepared the very first dinner, which I will eat on the floor with Julia at 6 PM.
I quickly cleaned the apartment and put on the new hemp underwear. It's undyed and untreated with chemicals. I really like it. I’m curious if Julia will like it too.
Today I am grateful for:
- Setting up the dining area on the floor. I love eating on the floor!
- Having a lovely evening with Julia.
- The sunshine this morning, which I enjoyed as a sun-worshiper on the balcony.
