Alexander Fufaev
My name is Alexander FufaeV and here I write about:

November 13, 2023: My definition of cleanliness, the idea of being my own hairdresser and Maxi from the HanoMacke

November 13, 2023. When I woke up the next day, I only saw the light coming through the window. I looked around the room and saw the textured wallpaper, the wooden floor, the ceiling. What was happening to me? Usually, as soon as I opened my eyes, I was lost in thought. And most of the time, I felt quite uncomfortable. But this time was different. I noticed that I was completely automatic and unforced in the present moment. I felt neutral - neither good nor bad, just content.

Maybe it was because my brain had enough time during the night to process what I had experienced and learned. Perhaps all these thoughts came in the morning because I hadn't taken enough time to do nothing? The day before, I hadn't done much except read a bit in the café and then do the flatmate casting. Otherwise, I didn't have that much information in my head. And last night, I spent just the right amount of time doing nothing to process this amount of information. I'd probably need even more time if I spent the whole day just reading. The more information I cram into myself, the more time I need to spend doing nothing. If I don't do that, the unprocessed information will keep popping up in my thoughts, pulling me out of the present into the world of thoughts.

I got my food from the kitchen, filled my water bottle with fresh water, and headed to the library. No one was at the bus stop, so the bus must have already left. I walked to Kopernikusstraße, where the bus caught up with me, and I rode the last two stops with it.

Unfortunately, at the library, I had to take the elevator because I had seen a very attractive tall blonde with curly hair get in. A man also got in with us. In the elevator, I occasionally glanced back at her. I got a slight flutter in my stomach. She seemed somehow exhausted or sad. I particularly noticed her fingernails. They were short and painted black. Clearly, she was a law student, as I could guess from the thick law book in her basket. I got off on the fourth floor. She continued to the fifth floor.

My usual spot was occupied by a brunette student, even though many other places were free. I sat down at the table directly behind her. My stomach still fluttered. So I decided to pay a visit to this interesting student.

I took the stairs to the fifth floor. Surprisingly, almost all tables here were occupied. I walked past the tables, looking for her. Finally, I recognized her by her striking green sweater. But there was another guy sitting next to her. Maybe they knew each other? Maybe they were together? Do I have bad breath? This questioning hesitation drove me back to the fourth floor.

The quantum physicist I had seen recently walked past my table this time without looking at me and sat directly behind my table.

A few minutes later, I made a second attempt. But first, I wanted to get rid of any potential bad breath by getting a coffee from HanoMacke and eating the chocolate muffin I bought yesterday outside. It was very fresh outside. Most people wore jackets and hats. I only had on a sweater.

Fueled by caffeine, I returned to the library. On the way to the elevators, I met Nina, a law student, with a guy. She smiled at me. Apparently, she recognized me. I was glad that we weren't enemies for no reason just because I had approached her back then and she had turned me down.

I took the elevator to the fourth floor. There I quickly used the restroom, rinsed my mouth, and checked if my hair was okay. Then back up to the fifth floor. I knew where she was and went straight to her. On the fifth floor, the tables were arranged as individual spots where no one could sit directly in front of another at the table. I took advantage of this. I stood in front of her. She noticed me. I leaned down to her.

"Hey," I whispered to her and looked at her.

"Hey," she replied, somewhat confused but with a smile.

"I saw you in the elevator earlier and got a flutter in my stomach. But I didn't dare to approach you," I said, while she listened to me with a slightly open mouth, "Can I leave you my number so we can meet for coffee later?"

"Hmm," her blue eyes started to sparkle, "no, but thank you."

"Okay, no problem. By the way, I like your nails. They're nicely black," I complimented her and pointed at her hand on the laptop.

"Oh, thank you," she replied, and you could see her previously tired face beginning to light up.

"Bye," I said, straightened up, and started to leave.

"Thank you for approaching me! Have a great day!" she whispered after me as I had already taken a few steps.

I waved goodbye to her and looked around. Some students were looking at me. Determined and with a wide grin on my face, I marched back to the fourth floor to record this beautiful encounter in a diary entry.

It was drizzling around noon. I stood outside, eating my chocolate bun and drinking my second coffee. A few meters in front of me was the dark blonde student talking animatedly with a friend.

I often saw her in HanoMacke, where she worked and also did something on her laptop. She looked very hot, especially in her hoodie and light green tight leggings.

After their coffee, they walked into HanoMacke ahead of me. When I finished my coffee, I decided to approach her. I went in, looked around, but didn't see her. I sat on the sofa and waited, looking for her. It was like she had disappeared off the face of the earth.

“Alright, I'll approach her next time,” I thought and went back to the library. Once I was back upstairs, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I felt the urge to seize the opportunity, and she also caused a tingling sensation in my stomach. It was as if it was saying to me, “I won't stop tickling until you muster the courage to approach this woman.”

I stood up and walked down the stairs. Outside the library entrance, a man approached me.

“Excuse me. Königsworther Platz. 1st floor. Is this it?” he asked me.

“Yes, exactly. Oh, did someone order something from McDonald's?” I grinned, noticing the man holding a McDonald's paper bag.

“Yes,” the man grinned back.

“Ask at the reception. Maybe the people who ordered it will come down soon because eating inside isn't allowed.”

“Okay, thanks, I'll check there,” the man replied with a smile.

I felt like I had bad breath. I turned right before the entrance because I quickly wanted to go to the discount store to get "Fischermen & Friends."

The drizzle was getting stronger. I pulled my hood over and kept walking. In the store, I grabbed a pack with mint flavor and immediately popped a candy into my mouth. The sharp taste in my mouth gave me confidence. I took a deep breath and was ready to approach the charming HanoMacke resident.

Outside HanoMacke, I wiped the raindrops off my glasses, took off my hoodie, and ran my hand through my slightly wet hair to keep it from covering my forehead. I looked way too nerdy with it covering my forehead. I took another deep breath and went inside. I looked around and saw her sitting at a table. On one side of the table next to her was a man, and on the other side next to her was a woman, with her friend sitting across from her, whom she had just been outside with. Determined, I approached their table.

I stood across from the man, leaning on the table with both hands, and looked in Maxi's direction. She noticed me.

“Hey, can I bother you for a moment?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, leaning towards me and resting her head on my hand.

“I've seen you a few times at HanoMacke and also earlier with your friend. And every time I saw you, I had a slight tingling in my stomach.” She looked at me with excited eyes and a smile on her face. “I want to finally put an end to this tingling and ask you if you'd like to...” Before I could finish the sentence, I noticed her mouth, which had previously turned upwards, now turned downwards. “Oh, too bad...” I continued.

“I'm sorry. I'm not interested in dating right now,” she replied with a sympathetic expression, not breaking eye contact.

“I thought that was really brave,” the man next to her reacted, still focused on his laptop.

“If you change your mind, you can always Google me,” I said, pointing to my name on the thermos. She didn't really look, but kept gazing at me dreamily with a smile.

“That's really kind of you and very brave,” she continued.

“Thank you! Take care,” I said, ready to leave. But then I turned around once more and asked her one last question.

“By the way, what's your name?”

“Maxi,” she replied, reaching out her hand which she had propped up the whole time.

“Alexander. Now I can call you by name in my story,” I introduced myself, shaking her warm hand.

Then I walked a few steps away, turned around, and waved goodbye to her. She was still smiling at me and waved back.

What a wonderful woman, I thought as I left HanoMacke. A smile spread across my face again, and feelings of happiness flowed through me. The tingling in my stomach finally subsided, and I proudly marched back to the library. When I returned, two law students were sitting at my table, greeting me with smiles. Apparently, they could feel my positive energy.

In the afternoon, after my salad, coffee, and sandwich break, I was surprised by a face that had once sat at my table. I didn't mean the Middle Eastern-looking man in the middle of the table, but the student sitting opposite me. This time, she even had an ergonomic mouse. She was the Hotdog Student. Her laptop was covered in stickers, including a hotdog that caught my attention.

I didn't work much longer, finished the chapter where I encountered two large Rottweilers on the dirt road, and went home. At the entrance of the library, I asked two Middle Eastern-looking students. I reached into my jacket pocket and found fifty cents.

“Hey girls, do you have a cigarette for me? I'll give you fifty cents. I haven't smoked in a long time…”

“That's not necessary,” one of them said, handing me a cigarette.

The other pulled out a lighter from her pocket, I leaned towards her with the cigarette in my mouth and she lit it.

I thanked them, took a deep drag, and thought to myself: “A little stress test for my immune system.” A feeling of happiness flowed through me and with that feeling, I went to the organic store to buy vegetables for tomorrow's salad.

At home, I then prepared the salad, which cost me seven euros: romaine lettuce, carrot, bell pepper, apple, radish, sprinkled with flaxseeds. All in organic quality. I made a small bowl to take away.

Somehow, the salad seemed to taste better to me than usual. Although it was neither seasoned nor salted, it tasted much more intense than a few months ago. Maybe my taste buds had changed? Skipping toothpaste perhaps? Very unlikely. And I don't think it was because of the organic quality either. Still, the organic salad gave me a better conscience about my health and the insects in the fields. It just made eating the salad more enjoyable, and I savored it much more, especially because it was quite expensive.

Afterwards, I listened to Bodo Schäfer's affirmations, and shortly after, my laptop went into sleep mode. Now I had time to wash my underwear and my wet, smelly socks.

Once I wet my socks under the faucet, scrubbed and wrung them a bit, and smelled the socks, the odor was gone. They smelled neutral. I didn't even need soap. Then I washed my underwear, which had a faint smell if you put your nose into it. The smell was gone too. Apparently, water alone was sufficient, and I decided that as long as it worked, I would wash my laundry stain- and odor-free with just water.

While washing my underwear, I again wondered if soap residues would cling to the clothing and disrupt my skin microbiome throughout the day. I couldn't rule that out, so I was even more pleased with today's upgrade, which saved me time and hopefully made my microbiome happy.

After that, I brushed my teeth as usual, without toothpaste. Then I cleaned the interdental spaces with dental floss. Surprisingly, I smelled the floss that I had used between my teeth, and it was odorless again. I still remembered that in the past, when I used dental floss, it literally smelled like shit. Thankfully, not at all lately.

Next, I examined my teeth closely in the mirror. The teeth had hardly changed. The front teeth in the lower jaw seemed to have become slightly more yellowish at the gums. But that could also be due to the lighting, I thought. However, I noticed a change in the gum of the front teeth. It filled the interdental spaces more. The notches in the upper front teeth seemed less deep. But that could also be due to the grown gums. The observations were all too vague for me. So I took my smartphone out of my backpack and photographed the teeth. I decided to occasionally take pictures of my teeth to better detect changes.

I was curious about what had become of my bald crown. I took a picture of it. I was somewhat disappointed when I saw the bald spot. It had not receded, although I no longer used shampoo, soap, or hairspray, washed my hair less often, and ate better. The dermatologist said it was hereditary, but I still hoped that the change would have an effect.

However, what struck me much more and looked much worse than my baldness was my messy neck. The hairs were crooked and it just looked terrible. I was shocked that I had dared to go out like that. Quickly, I got my trimmer and tidied up my neck over the bathtub.

The idea of shaving over the bathtub came to me after Lina asked me to remove all the hair from the sink after shaving. Without complaining about the problem, as I had learned in Bodo Schäfer's wealth affirmation, I looked for a solution and found it: shaving facial and head hair not over the sink, but over the bathtub. The stray hairs could easily be rinsed into the drain filter with the shower head.

After trimming my neck, I took another photo of the back of my head and looked like a completely different person. From now on, I decided to trim my neck regularly as well.

While trimming my beard, an idea came to me: What if I could cut my own hair? Then I wouldn't have to go to the hairdresser anymore and spend a lot of money. I could go to the hairdresser regularly and for free because I am the hairdresser myself. If there were another pandemic and all hairdressers had to close again, it wouldn't be a problem for me because I could cut my own hair. That would definitely be a huge boost for my bank account and my independence. When I came out of the bathroom, I thought, "That was the most instructive bathroom visit in a long time."

In the hallway, I took the insoles out of the barefoot shoes, hoping that the shoe would dry and ventilate better.

And in the room, I noted the hairstyle idea on the laptop in the Notion app - the only app that remained active during downtime in case I had a flash idea and needed to write it down quickly. I closed the laptop, undressed down to my underwear, and got into bed.

I thought about Maxi, Anna, and the other girls. Somehow, I couldn't fall asleep as well this time. I decided to turn off downtime for today and listen to music on YouTube. Of course, that kept me awake longer - until one o'clock in the morning, when I decided to close the laptop again because I was already a bit tired.

But before I did that, I briefly opened WhatsApp, and what I discovered there woke me up again: a message from Anna. "When are you available the week after next?" I thought about a reply and typed, "Like everyone else, I have 24 hours a day. So the question is not when I have time, but for whom and for what. I have daily time for a date with Anna - but only until midnight! *psst smiley*"

I know you're dancing around on Sunday, so Sunday's not an option. Um… It would be easier if you picked the day and I'll think about what we'll do that day. Then I closed the laptop and fell asleep immediately.

  1. My definition of clean laundry is: clean = stain-free + odor-free. I leave the microorganisms that adhere to the laundry undisturbed.
  2. When I trim my beard, I should also trim my neck.