CSD: Kissing a man as a heterosexual?

May 27, 2023. It was a sunny Saturday. I had just left the Conti Campus, my yoga mat under my arm, where I had been relaxing in the Welfengarten today. Suddenly, I heard whistling and loud cheering in the distance. I looked around and saw a demonstration parade coming towards me on the nearby Brühlstraße. Women streamed out of the demo onto the adjacent Neustädter Friedhof. A woman on the cemetery stood with her back to me, pulled down her pants, and peed on a tree. That immediately caught my attention. As two girls passed me on their way to the cemetery, I stopped them.

“Hey girls, what's this demo about anyway?”

“CSD?!” one of them replied, as if it were obvious that everyone knew. I thanked them, and the two continued on to the cemetery.

I decided to take a closer look at the demo. I joined the crowd next to a vehicle with loudspeakers blaring music. The song “Rasputin” was playing. I asked a guy next to me for a cigarette.

“Can you roll one?”

“No.”

He rolled me a cigarette.

“Do you have a light?”

“No.”

The guy laughed and lit my cigarette between my lips.

“Thanks,” I replied, feeling the music already boosting my confidence.

The demo moved towards Steintor. When we arrived at Opernplatz, a large crowd had already gathered in front of a stage where a DJ was playing the most popular chart hits. A little further, there was a smaller stage with techno music. In front of the stages, there were beer benches with tables, where mostly older people sat.

I was impressed by how much more individual and creative people were in their dancing here. The dance moves were extravagant and unique. On the dance floor, I felt at home. I was already in the mood for dancing. With my backpack on my back and the yoga mat in my hand, which I used in my performance, I danced away. I noticed a woman, probably in her mid-thirties, who stood out from the others with her dancing style. That fascinated me. I danced near her, but she seemed so immersed in her dance that she barely noticed her surroundings. After a while in the hot sun, it became too much for me. I took a break in the shade.

A man around his mid-forties, with Indian looks and a colorful Hawaiian shirt, approached me. “You’re a really good dancer,” he said with a British accent.

“Thank you,” I replied.

“You’re a good dancer too,” I added, as I had also seen him on the dance floor. “Where are you from?” he asked.

“I'm from Hanover. And you?”

“I’m from London, just visiting Germany. Today is my last day here. Tomorrow I’m heading back.”

“Oh, I hope you had an exciting time at the CSD today!”

“Well, aside from the awesome techno party, not yet.”

“You’re a very charming guy,” he continued.

I blushed slightly.

“Oh, I didn’t expect that compliment,” I replied.

He stepped closer and looked deep into my eyes.

“Do you wanna kiss?” he suddenly asked me.

I hesitated.

“Nah, sorry, I’m straight,” I finally said.

“Too bad. Have fun partying!” he gave me a high five and left.

Two men, dressed in leather with pig masks on their faces, stood next to me. One handed me a flyer. The text on it was long. I turned the paper over and saw a man chained with chains. I was shocked.

“Oh, that's too much for me. But thanks,” I replied as a black pig face looked at me.

They were still standing next to me. It made me uncomfortable, so I moved a bit further away from them into the shade, next to a tent. A girl my age stood next to me. Without saying a word, I handed her the flyer.

She looked at the paper and started laughing.

“That wouldn’t be for me,” she said.

“I thought the same when they handed me this flyer,” I joked.

That's how we got talking. I told her how I ended up at the CSD, and she told me she was here with her gay friend and that he was tearing it up on the dance floor. She didn’t want to dance herself, she said. She came from the countryside and was too shy for it. However, she didn’t seem shy at all in conversation.

She lit a cigarette and offered me one too, but we didn't have a lighter. So, we asked a chubby guy sitting on the bench nearby. She sat down next to him and lit her cigarette. Since there wasn’t enough space on the bench, I stood next to it.

“Why don’t you come sit with me on the bench,” she said, scooting over even further to the guy. I sat down next to her and lit my cigarette.

“Have you ever kissed at the CSD?” I asked her.

“No. And you?” she looked in my direction and looked at me. She was so close to me that I could feel her breath as she asked me.

“Neither have I.”

Suddenly, we just kissed on the lips. The kiss became more passionate and turned into a French kiss.

“Wow, with my longer beard, I’ve never kissed a woman before,” I whispered.

Marie leaned in to me and kissed me again.

“Marie, you naughty thing!” a guy interrupted us.

It was her friend who had just come from the dance floor.

“Do you want a kiss too?” she asked us, looking at me first, then at him.

“Hmm, I don't know. Probably not,” I replied, thinking: If he looked like George Clooney, I might agree.

“Your girlfriend said you can kiss any guy. How about him?” I asked her friend, pointing to a handsome, brunette man who was obviously gay.

Without saying a word, he went to the man. They chatted briefly and then disappeared into the crowd. Another guy Marie knew pulled her onto the dance floor. She said goodbye to me with a hug, and they both disappeared into the crowd as well.

I sat alone on the bench, still unable to believe what had just happened. Suddenly, I heard a moan. I turned around and saw a woman tied to a thick branch with ropes. I turned back around, my eyes wide open. For a brief moment, I thought I was in a completely different world where there were hardly any taboos. I liked that. A wide grin spread across my face.

I glanced at the main stage and then headed there. A Shakira song was playing. I pretended to be Shakira and swayed my hips. Then back to the techno dance floor. It was a bit awkward to dance with the yoga mat, so I set it aside. I didn't want to leave my backpack with the expensive laptop unattended, so I danced around with it. I danced with many women, flirted, joked, and gave out quick kisses. I gave a married woman a kiss on the cheek. She didn't want more.

“Don't be so pushy, okay?” said a friend of the married woman to me.

“Okay, sorry,” I replied to the man and immediately started dancing with another woman.

I didn't feel offended at all. The French kiss had boosted my confidence and happiness so much that I wasn't embarrassed about anything.

And so, I stayed at the CSD party until ten o'clock. My legs were tired from dancing. I made my way home. In front of the steps of the opera house, I spotted a woman with a bratwurst who looked very familiar. It was the exotic, introspective dancer.

“Hey, you were the best dancer at the techno party,” I addressed her.

“Hey, oh thank you. I love techno parties. Much better than that run-of-the-mill music playing on the main stage.”

I got into a conversation with Lina. She was brunette, had freckles, a cute little nose with a nose piercing. She was here with her friends but had lost sight of them. She told me how much she loved CSD parties. She had been to many of them. Her favorite was the CSD party in Berlin.

“Are you here tomorrow too?” she asked me.

“Actually, I was planning to be productive. Does the party go on until late tomorrow night?”

“Yes! I'll be there.”

“Cool, then we'll definitely see each other again tomorrow. I'll drop by,” I said.

We said goodbye with a hug, and with an intense feeling of happiness, I took the tram home. I was as talkative and extroverted as I hadn't been in a long time. It was as if I were a completely different person. However, I was aware that I reached this extroverted, sociable state when I had no specific expectations, whether it was to get a number or to hook up with someone. When I was just there having fun, I turned into an extroverted, sociable personality that attracted people. I was so glad I joined the demo.

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