October 27, 2023: No more washcloths. 7 instead of 8 hangers and the disadvantage of having a lot of time
October 27, 2023. Today I slept in very late, almost until 10 AM. I must have had something emotional to process. Now, especially without YouTube, I have a lot of time during the day and few digital distractions.
Not having digital distractions has the downside of forcing me to deal more with my inner world. I can't just numb the inner emptiness with a YouTube video but am compelled to process it in other ways.
The abundance of time doesn't make me as permanently happy as I initially thought. I used to think that once I achieved financial freedom and could do whatever I wanted, I'd be happier and have fewer problems. But I don't have fewer problems, just different ones. The beauty is that these problems are deeper, and overcoming them enriches my life much more intensely.
In the bathroom, I noticed my face was red beside my nose. It looked like an inflammation. The dark circles under my eyes were also more pronounced. My skin signaled to me that I had done something unhealthy. Apparently, it wasn't a good idea to eat a cheesy calzone and drink coffee after 6 PM yesterday.
My tongue had more white coating than the previous days. I attributed this to not brushing my teeth last night. After gargling with baking soda, I curiously smelled my now dry towel. Unfortunately, plain water didn't remove the smell. I need to try it with baking soda.
In the kitchen, I met Lina, who was eating her vegan blueberry cheesecake. I tried a piece. It tasted good, but she wanted to replace the vegan yogurt with vegan cream cheese next time.
Then I went straight to the library. Initially, I wanted to go to HanoMacke, but on the way there, I decided to go to the library instead. I hoped to see Carmen, whom I had seen a few tables away in the library yesterday. Her hot, firm butt had captivated me.
I've been so driven by lust lately—or rather, a need for cuddling. I miss emotional closeness a lot. I need to learn to live better with this, or rather, learn to feel energized and happy even without emotional closeness.
I sat at my regular table, where a girl in a black hat was already sitting in front of me with an Acer laptop. She wore a black top and had a black mouse.
At 10:30 AM, I went for a coffee. I stood outside in a sweater and jogging pants. It wasn't that cold for me. It was a warm 15 degrees, and the streets were still damp from the drizzle earlier.
After that, I went back to the library and stayed there until 1 PM. I made my website even more minimalist. In the bathroom, I noticed my teeth felt rough, and my mouth felt like I had bad breath. This should be a lesson to me: Brush my teeth before bed.
I went home feeling somehow emotionally exhausted today. When I arrived, I wanted to hang up my jacket and noticed I could hang it on a screw on my coat rack. This way, I could leave out a hanger that previously held the jacket.
At home, I ate my salad and had a piece of Lina's cake. While eating, I soaked my towel in a baking soda solution to remove the odors.
In my room, Robert called me and said he saw me in the library today and suggested we go out to eat. I told him I wasn't there anymore but that we could go out on Monday or Tuesday.
I also set aside the washcloth I use after going to the toilet to take it back to Borsum. For the toilet, I can just use my towel. I don't dry my butt directly, just the area around it. That's enough. I wash the anal area well with water, and it dries quickly on its own.
I bought a cheap keypad phone for 17 euros to try out. I'll give it to Mom with my current contract. Then she'll have two phone numbers, one for business and one for personal use, as she wanted.
When I arrived in Hildesheim, I had to wait a little over an hour for the bus to Borsum. So I walked around the city, got a decaffeinated cappuccino at the Espresso House, and read "THINK AGAIN". Today, I learned something important from the book: never think in black or white when it comes to complex topics.
Then I took the bus to Borsum. It rained the whole time. Only Laura was home. Mom had the late shift. I ate three slices of bread with vegan toppings and arugula and cheese and two slices of toast with chocolate spread. Then I saw some chips and ate them while watching the Arte documentary "More Time, More Happiness?"
My tongue hurt from the micro-injuries caused by the sharp-edged chips, and my lips burned from the salt, but I didn't care while eating. Like a possessed masochist, I stuffed the chips into my mouth until the bag was empty, down to the last potato crumb.
Afterward, my stomach was full, and I lay down to rest and watched a YouTube video by Vera Birkenbihl. From her, I learned to start a conversation with a positive thought. Instead of asking my counterpart worn-out questions like "How are you?" or "How was your day?", I ask, "What nice thing happened to you today?"
I'll try that with Mom when she gets back from her late shift.
When she got back, I asked her, "What nice thing happened to you today?"
Mom looked surprised. "What?"
"What nice thing happened to you today?"
"That I'm finally home," she smiled. Her mood improved.
What a great question. From now on, I'll use it instead of "How are you?"
Learnings:
- Never think in black or white about complex topics.
- Instead of the worn-out "How are you?", ask "What nice thing happened to you today/yesterday?"
Microchanges:
- I no longer use washcloths to dry myself after a bowel movement. Instead, I use my microfiber towel for all body parts.
- Reduced the number of coat hangers from 8 to 7.