29 November 2023: I let myself be dazzled by Anna the Beautiful

November 29, 2023. When I woke up, my first thought was Anna. I felt a very strong positive excitement about seeing her tomorrow. I imagined us strolling hand in hand over the Christmas market, feeling butterflies in my stomach as I pictured it.

I took my smartphone and set a picture of her as the home screen and lock screen. I wrote to her: "A good morning snowflake falls on Anna's warm cheek and wakes her from her deep sleep." Then I thought I would write to her how I was feeling: "My stomach is fluttering. I've never been so excited to see someone."

Then I got up and got dressed. I also put on my navy blue coat, which I hadn't worn in a long time because Julien and Mom said yesterday that it looked great on me and I should wear it on the date.

I took a walk to NP. It was snowing heavily, and the coat felt very warm. After a short time, it was completely covered with snow. I thought: If I hug Anna, it will be much nicer for her to hug me in this warm coat rather than in a rain jacket.

In the supermarket, the snow quickly melted away. I bought organic bell peppers, cucumbers, and tomatoes, and a few mandarins to help Mom establish a new breakfast habit of always eating vegetables and fruits.

When I got back, Mom was already awake. I set the table, made lupine coffee for her and me, put on Christmas music, and we had breakfast together. We only talked about positive things to help Mom reduce her fears and negative thoughts. She felt very happy after breakfast. Then she sat down at her laptop to work on her continuing education tasks.

I, on the other hand, plucked my eyebrows for the first time in a long time, cut and filed my nails (beautiful Anna needs a beautiful man). In the bathroom, I found a peeling mask that I dared to use to refine my skin texture for a few days. I knew it was more show than substance, but I wanted to look as handsome and neat as possible for the date with Anna.

After lunch, I set off for Hanover. In Lehrte, the train suddenly stopped. Announcement: "The train will not continue due to a power line failure at the main station." So no more trains were running to the main station. I went to the bus stops, but no buses were running to Hanover either. I tried calling a taxi, but no one answered. At another taxi company, I was told there were no taxis available. I thought for a moment. Then I searched for hair salons nearby.

In the first hair salon I found nearby, I asked, "Can I get a haircut here without an appointment?" An older woman said, "Unfortunately not, but the barber around the corner does it without an appointment." I went around the corner and saw a Turkish barber who was just trimming a man's beard. I went inside and asked the same question. He said yes. I took off my coat and put my backpack on the bench. A minute later, it was my turn. He gave me a pompadour hairstyle with not-too-short sides and tidied up my beard.

After that, I went back to the bus stops and saw a bus with the sign "Rail Replacement Service," which was fully occupied.

I went to the bus driver and asked, "Are you going to Hanover?"

"Yes, get in."

What luck, I thought. I didn't have to spend money on a taxi and I had been to the hairdresser. The bus left immediately after I got in. I stood at the front with the bus driver and looked out the window during the ride. Occasionally, I looked at my phone to see the photo of Anna.

At Braunschweiger Platz, the bus driver let some passengers out. I got off there too and took line 6 to Kröpcke. From there, I strolled over the Christmas market and mentally went through how the meeting with Anna could go the next day.

"Here at the stand, there's hot chocolate, that could be our first warm drink and we could sit in the quiet corner here."

Then I walked on. "Oh, a carousel."

I looked at it closely. There was a couple sitting on a double seat in a carriage behind the horses. I imagined sitting there with Anna, close together and holding hands. Then I went to the gates of the huge Marktkirche.

Nearby, there was a crêpes stand. "Here we could have something sweet to eat."

Then I continued to Leibnizufer. There was a campfire. "If it's there tomorrow, we could eat Langos at the stand and enjoy the fire."

Then I walked on. Past the Teestübchen and back in a circle to the Marktkirche. "Ah, Enchilada," I thought to myself, "we could end our date here with a cocktail."

Then I walked to the train station and took the tram home. Vanessa was there. She had placed some moving boxes in my room because she was moving and had no more space. The conservatory in the kitchen was already full of moving boxes, and she needed more space.

Then I walked to the train station and took the tram home. Vanessa was there. She had placed moving boxes in my room because she was moving and had no more space. The conservatory in the kitchen was already full of boxes, and she needed more space.

I quickly washed my hair and beard, put on Christmas music by Michael Bublé. Then I listened to love songs and thought about Anna. I was so looking forward to the date with her tomorrow.

When I listened to "Love of my Life" by Queen, I looked at my phone. A message from Anna:

"Hey Alexander! I'm sorry that this is so last minute," a tear fell on the display, "but I just don't have the time or emotional capacity to meet with you right now. I also don't want to reschedule because I feel like we are not a good match. Still, all the best to you!"

I went outside because I didn't want my roommates to hear what I wanted to send Anna as a voice message. In front of the basketball court outside, I sent her a voice message and cried.

At home, I calmed down, collected myself, and wrote the last message to Anna:

"I have thought rationally. I let myself be blinded by your looks and fell too deeply in love with you emotionally. I projected something onto you that you are not. It was foolish of me to waste my time, my thoughts, and my heart on a woman who only fascinated me with her appearance. I was even so foolish to put your picture on my lock screen and to tell my family about you. Whatever. I will not make this mistake again. I will cry my heart out tonight and from tomorrow you will be just a ghost in my diary. Have fun dancing the rumba!"

I turned off my phone. I put on the song "Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart" and cried my heart out. Then I put on the "Darth Vader Theme." I felt anger at myself for my clinginess, anger at Anna, and at women in general.