Alexander Fufaev
My name is Alexander FufaeV and here I write about:

June 3, 2023: The missing binoculars

June 3, 2023. It was eleven o'clock on a sunny Saturday. Although it wasn't technically allowed, I had two huge bags of empty glass bottles with me, which had probably accumulated over several months. Meanwhile, the lightly loaded washing machine at home was doing my laundry. I could have washed it by hand, but I didn't have a suitable tub and found washing in the sink somehow gross.

Before meeting Nico, his brother Leon, and his best friend Tobi, I sat in Bobo Café with my laptop and drank a BioZisch on the side. I still had two hours until our meeting at two o'clock, so I decided to go to the Conti Mensa to eat. Since I still had plenty of time afterwards, I took a little stroll through the city. On this Saturday, many groups were out celebrating bachelor parties. On the way to our meeting point, I was stopped by a group of girls.

"Hey, could we ask you for a favor?" said one of the four girls.

"Sure, what can I do for you?"

"Could you kiss the bride for a photo?"

"Where's the bride?"

The girl pointed to another young woman who was just breaking away from another group of girls and was obviously the bride in her white dress.

"Oh, of course, gladly," I immediately agreed when I noticed that the slim blonde really looked good.

"How should we do this best?" murmured one girl to another.

"I could maybe kneel down and kiss her hand," I spontaneously suggested.

"Good idea. Let's do that."

Right in the middle of the crowded pedestrian walkway, I took the bride's hand in mine, knelt down with one leg, and kissed the back of her hand.

"Stay in that position for a moment," one of the girls called out.

"Oh, very gladly!" I commented with a joking tone and glanced at the bride briefly. She laughed.

"You can stop kissing the bride now," someone laughed.

"Thank you very much for your effort. Would you like a beer?" the photographer asked me.

"Oh no thanks, I don't drink alcohol. I wish you all a lot of fun today!" I replied, gave all the girls a high five, and continued on to the meeting point with a five-minute delay.

The three were already waiting for me at Mövenpick Ice Cream Café. I opted for two scoops of blueberry ice cream and one scoop of lemon ice cream - the only vegan flavors they had there. After that, we strolled into the old town to the flea market. Since we were all single, of course, we kept an eye out for potential partners. At the flea market, I suggested going to the Welfengarten, maybe there would be attractive students sunbathing, and we could approach them. But when we got there, it wasn't as crowded as I had expected.

"Look, there's a brunette sunbathing. Too bad I can't get a closer look. She could also be 45," Nico remarked, pointing to a woman lying on the grass about a hundred meters away.

"Yeah, that could be true. But her body looks pretty young," Tobi commented.

"Does anyone happen to have binoculars?" Nico joked in a half-serious tone.

We laughed.

"I certainly don't practice voyeurism," Tobi replied with a serious expression, pretending to look through his cupped hands, forming them into a makeshift binocular shape, at the grass. We mimicked him.

"I can't see very well. Let's set up a telescope instead," I suggested.

This was followed by loud laughter. Our entire conversation was sprinkled with jokes, sarcasm, indirect sexual innuendos, and puns. We had similar senses of humor and were constantly laughing.

I finally mustered up the courage to approach a young woman lying on her stomach and reading. Apart from her attractive posterior in leggings, I didn't know what she looked like. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a shot. I walked over to her and lay down sideways in front of her, propped up on one elbow.

Aside from her perky rear end, she wasn't my type.

"Hey, let me guess, your name is Julia," I said spontaneously.

"Hi, no," she replied, slightly confused.


"Nope," she grinned.


"Not even close."

"Then what's your name?"

"I'm Aiste."



"Oh, I would have never guessed Aiste. I'm Alexander!" I said and extended my hand to her.

"Hello," she replied and shook my hand. There was a brief pause. At that moment, I felt a bit awkward because I actually wanted to leave. But it would be inappropriate to just get up and go. I glanced past her to the three guys, who were about a hundred meters away and discreetly looking in my direction, waving at me.

"And what are you reading?"

She showed me the book cover.

"Ah, this Gap..." I read aloud, "this dreadful Gap."

"Hmm, a novel..." I commented on the title slightly disappointed.

"Mmmm," she nodded, and I could tell from her facial expression that she preferred to keep reading.

"Could you maybe still read me a short passage from it while I lie here next to you?"

"No, not feeling it right now."

"Okay, no problem. Well then, bye!" I said and stood up.

"Wish you a nice day!" she called after me.

I ran back to the three guys, who were grinning at me when I arrived.

"Uh, I've warmed up now," I said.

"Oh, that's just the sun," Leon joked.

"And what does she look like?" Tobi asked, followed by other questions about how it went, as we continued to stroll towards the city center.

There, we sat down at Café Extrablatt. I had a pitch-black coffee because I was feeling a bit tired. The others indulged in ice cream once more. We continued chatting, joking, and laughing until seven o'clock.

Time flew by quickly. We said goodbye. Leon and Tobi took the tram home, and Nico rode his bike. I strolled to Lavash at the Lutherkirche, got myself dinner - a vegan döner - and enjoyed it sitting on a bench. In doing so, I also recharged my social battery a bit, which surprisingly wasn't depleted much at all.