Alexander Fufaev
My name is Alexander FufaeV and here I write about:

September 2015 - October 2015: Restart of the Physics Studies, Claudia and Ann-Kathrin

September 2015. Jenny's mother had managed to bring me back to a normal state. Surprisingly, she didn't respond anymore after I told her that I no longer felt depressed and was ready to continue studying and look for my soulmate.

While I was able to attend the last lectures before the semester break regularly, I didn't understand anything academically, especially in theoretical physics, as I had missed so much. I also didn't pass the exams I had signed up for.

Dancing with Ann-Kathrin

September 25, 2015. I was on my way to the last lecture of the summer semester when I decided to give love a new chance. Just before the main entrance of the university, I took out my phone and checked today's horoscope. Career, not so much. Health, somewhat okay. But these categories were secondary because the most important thing for me was still the love horoscope. It was supposed to prophesy a love characterized by a deep spiritual connection. After all, that was what I was searching for!

In the daily horoscope, there was something that prompted me to skip the mathematics lecture. So, I turned around before reaching the main entrance and headed to the city center. According to my interpretation of the horoscope, it had to be a girl I didn't know yet because I could hardly imagine Jana coming back to me out of the blue.

Strolling through the city and sipping coffee, I now focused all my attention on the female passersby. Everywhere I looked, I saw beauties. But what did it mean to be beautiful? There were millions of women in the world who were beautiful. Blonde hair, ripped jeans, white sneakers, a fashionable bag on their arm, and the latest iPhone in hand. Hot, very hot, but nothing extraordinary that would attract my heart.

My gaze became more and more bored until I stopped for a short while. I had to decide between going straight ahead or turning. After staring at my shoes for a moment, I turned. The other side of the street was completely empty, but suddenly, a girl surprised me as she walked out of a dental practice to my right. I stopped, and for a brief moment, as she approached me, it must have seemed to onlookers as if I had been waiting for her.

Ann-Kathrin had smooth blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and a beautiful, flawless face. She wore glasses that suited her and made her look intelligent. When she smiled at me, it immediately prompted me to talk to her.

Before I realized it, we were so engrossed in conversation that I didn't even realize we had arrived at the train station, where she wanted to go.

She lived in Hamburg and was only visiting Hannover for a few days with her friends. After she typed her number into my phone, we hugged and went our separate ways. After that encounter, I couldn't stop smiling. Above all, I was surprised by my extroverted nature - I hadn't been so talkative and open in a long time. It was as if I were a completely different person. Full of joy and motivation, I made my way back to the university.

In the evening, I invited her to go out with me. Despite her initial resistance, we went to Dax. She arrived with two friends by car. When we were at Dax, I tried to control myself while dancing, so as not to scare her off right away.

After a while, I wanted to step outside with her briefly to get some fresh air because it was very hot inside. Outside, however, it was cool, and when I looked up at the sky, I could even see a few stars. I could have a really good conversation with her, which was rare. She had a great aura and was incredibly good at listening and asking questions. After a short break outside, we went back in.

We danced and goofed around until four in the morning. After a long farewell hug, she told me that we could go out again when she was back in Hannover in two weeks. Then she left with her friends.

Two weeks later, we had arranged to meet at the main train station at 11 p.m. and go to Baggi. I waited for her until the clock struck eleven. When I asked her via WhatsApp where she was, there was no response. Five minutes passed, ten minutes, twenty. I still had no response. Okay, I thought, maybe she'll come later. So, I went to the club anyway.

As I approached the club, I saw a few people standing in line. I joined them. But when I stood in front of the two bouncers, I was stopped and asked for my ID. When I was last at Baggi, a brief eye contact with a smile was enough to get in. This time it wasn't. I took my residence permit out of my pants pocket and held it out to one of the bouncers. He took it from me and looked at it questioningly.

"No, you're not coming in," he said without looking at me and handed me back my ID. I glanced briefly at his colleague, but he immediately turned away, as if he wanted nothing to do with it.

"Why not? You always let me in back then! Do you remember me?"

"No, not today, go somewhere else."

I knew it wouldn't help to argue with him. Still, I didn't understand why he wouldn't let me in. I was sober and decently dressed in a shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. I had never caused trouble in the club, except that my dancing style was very noticeable.

Angry, I turned around and went home. I was upset, both because of the bouncer and because Ann-Kathrin hadn't shown up or replied to me.

As soon as I got home, I tore up the paper on my table where the goal was to find a soulmate. And that stupid horoscope that influenced my daily actions and mood, I removed from the bookmarks as well. I just had enough at that moment, of desperately searching for the love of my life.

With the decision to practically start my studies from scratch, I switched to an extroverted and sociable mode. I initiated a group with the new students starting next semester, and I was determined not to miss the orientation week this time. As it will later turn out, the fresh start will be a complete success.

The First Day of Orientation Week

October 5, 2015. Today, I met with the people I had organized for the study group on Facebook for the first time. We had arranged to meet in front of the main entrance of the university and unintentionally blocked it. I was somewhat silent while David, Antonia, and Laura were chatting. Then Wajahat joined us.

A group of students wanted to pass by us, so we had to step back for a moment.

"Are you also physics students?" asked a girl who stopped in front of us. After we affirmed her question, she introduced herself as Jule and joined us. Together, we all headed to the lecture hall where the mathematical introduction session was taking place. When we all sat down, there were still about ten minutes until the start of the session. So, I rested my head in my hands and observed as new students entered the lecture hall and occupied seats as close to others as possible, probably to make new friends quickly. Of course, I was also distracted by the attractive female students entering the lecture hall. One student seemed particularly interesting to me. Not only was she beautiful, but she also seemed somehow different to me because she had seated herself somewhat apart from others. I sat many rows behind her and could only see her long, blonde hair. While everyone was still chatting in the last few minutes before the session began, she seemed somehow alone. Smart outsider women always attracted me. Even though I felt the urge, I had no intention of approaching her, let alone consulting a horoscope to see if it would be worth it. I had promised myself not to search for love anymore, so I had to stick to that under all circumstances.

During the math course, we solved problems after some explanations from the tutor.

"What did you figure out?" asked Jule, who was sitting to my right.

"I still need to think about it," I replied to her, so as not to appear stupid. In reality, I wasn't making any progress in solving the problems. I somehow couldn't visualize the task. And if I couldn't imagine something as a picture in my mind, I usually didn't understand that thing. Probably that's why it was always difficult for me to grasp something right away, because a picture in my mind took time to crystallize.

To distract Jule from my ignorance, I asked her for her phone number to invite her to our WhatsApp group. Then we continued with the calculations. She solved all the problems correctly. When I asked her why she was so good, she told me that she had been good at it in school. She had a grade point average of 1.0 in high school and understood everything very quickly without having to do much for it. When the course ended after two hours, tutors from higher semesters came to form small groups of about ten students each, with whom you would be associated for a whole week. The tutors spread out along the long table at the front and instructed us to come forward with small groups to the desired tutor. The first dozen students went to one tutor. Then the next group. My heart started racing. In my stomach, I felt this feeling of excitement that arises just before a presentation you haven't prepared for. I felt a strong urge to be in a group with this lonely student. However, I also wanted the people from my WhatsApp group to be there.

"Next, please," a tutor prompted the next group to come forward.

"Shall we?" Jule asked us. The others nodded and immediately set off. Disappointed, unable to answer the question, I followed them. But then—a miracle! I don't know how it was even possible, but out of the many students not yet assigned, she stood up from the front rows and joined our group. Something like that could only be explained by a supernatural force...

Afterward, we went to the Institute for Theoretical Physics, which was located a bit further from the main building. There, we sat in a rather dark, windowless room that perfectly fulfilled the stereotype of a physics room. We had to introduce ourselves briefly and say why we wanted to study physics. Jule introduced herself. Then Niels, then Claudia, who I found interesting, and then Jessica. Finally, it was my turn.

"My name is Alexander, originally from Russia, and I failed the first two semesters. I also didn't attend the introductory event back then. That's why I want to do better this time and join a study group," I said before explaining: "I study physics because, like Einstein, I want to advance the world. My goal is to win the Nobel Prize in Physics."

The tutors, so it seemed to me, reacted with surprise. They must have thought I was totally crazy. At the end of the introductions, we played a game whose rules I didn't quite understand, but I didn't express this and therefore embarrassed myself. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the Nobel Prize, considering this embarrassment. In any case, it was already too late at that moment.

With my group, I had math courses, tours of various university institutions, and visits to pubs for a week. On the last day of the orientation week, during the so-called rally event, the goal was to solve tasks in groups that the tutors had come up with while drinking. The more ridiculous, crazy, or creative you behaved, the more points the group received. I was definitely crazy: Instead of crafting a cape, dress, or T-shirt like everyone else with the yellow bags distributed by the tutors, I put the bag over my head and let Claudia paint my face with lipstick. Maybe she even had an interest in me, because what's clearer than a big red heart on my forehead?

Future Learning from the Failed Start of Studies: As I will later realize: the world doesn't end if I dare to restart my studies. A fresh start is akin to returning to a junction and choosing a different path or perhaps the same path - but this time with the added experience in tow.