April 2023: Life Without Fragrance and My Thought Triggers: The Urge for Sun and Women
April 2023. The following day, I drove to my loved ones in Borsum to barbecue at noon. On the way, I made the final minimalist adjustments to my iPhone. On the black home screen, only a digital clock, a search bar to find installed apps, the phone app, and WhatsApp remained. All that was left was to sell my PC and laptop to purchase the long-awaited fourteen-inch MacBook, which I accomplished in the coming days.
A week later, I successfully sold my beloved self-assembled PC. Despite the screen crack, which was a reminder of Jule, I also managed to get rid of my laptop for a small amount on the same day. My MacBook Pro M2 arrived by mail the day before. Unpacking it, I was impressed by the quality of the packaging and the outstanding craftsmanship of the laptop. I had never held a three-thousand-euro laptop in my hands before.
As I set it up, I was already amazed by the ease of using features like Airdrop, allowing me to transfer images from my smartphone to the MacBook in an instant or convert images to PDFs with a right-click. These integrated features significantly eased my document digitization process.
Drawing illustrations, editing videos, programming, and writing—all seemed to work better on the MacBook. With a broad grin on my face, I was very grateful to the Kleinanzeigen scammer who introduced me to the world of Apple. Without him, I would have never realized that a MacBook suited my workflow much better than a Windows laptop.
After taking my first steps in setting up my laptop, I was back in the cafeteria today. There, I looked around thoroughly, hoping to meet someone to hook up with. In vain.
In the evening, I continued my search at the Dax Club. A guy who only spoke English tried to set me up with various women every time I took a smoke break. I met a twenty-two-year-old nurse named Michelle, with whom I kissed after she was approached by a guy who then preferred to talk to her friend. I gave her my number, but she never contacted me after the Dax...
Life Upgrade: I exchanged my powerful desktop PC and my compact but weak laptop for a powerful laptop, combining performance and compactness in one device. This saves energy and space and, more importantly, allows me to work from anywhere without being tied to the desktop PC at home.
My Thought Patterns
April 2023. The next Saturday morning, I got up at ten o'clock, went through my usual morning routine, and headed straight to the bustling cafeteria. The sun was shining in the sky, a gentle breeze caressed my skin.
After a delicious vegan lunch at eleven o'clock, I settled down in the library to set up my MacBook. I delved into its intricacies, installed VSCode for programming, Gitlab for my website.
As I installed Notion for my to-do lists and notes, suddenly a wave of extremely heavy men's cologne permeated the air as a student walked past me and sat down right behind me. The intensity was almost tangible, enveloping me. I had to move away; the scent was so overpowering. At the same time, I pondered whether my own favorite cologne, Giorgio Armani Acqua Di Gio, had a similar effect on others. This reflection prompted me to minimize my perfume and sell it to Tobi on my next visit to Borsum.
During the coffee break, I noticed a girl with beautiful brown curls sitting across from me. She too was enjoying her coffee and engrossed in a book. Occasionally, I glanced at her. When she finally closed her book and walked past me, she smiled at me. I returned the smile but felt no urge to follow her.
After the coffee break, I sat at the tables outside HanoMacke and basked in the warm sunshine. A somewhat thin-looking student, whom I had already seen in the library, was deeply engrossed in her work on her laptop. I decided to approach her.
“Hey, I've seen you in the library before. How about a coffee?”
She turned her face towards me.
“No, thank you!”
“All right,” I replied, turning decisively and making my way home.
At the train station, I approached a blonde woman who was leaning against the wall, enjoying the sun.
“Hey, I think you're cute.”
To be honest, I didn't really find her cute; I just wanted to hook up. But she sensed my insincere intention.
“No, not interested,” she replied, hurrying away.
It was amazing how women could sense the true intentions behind words. In that moment, it became clear to me once again that there was no point in hiding one's true intentions from a woman.
Even on the tram, I approached a brunette beauty. She politely declined, but I was proud that I had the courage to approach her in the midst of a crowded tram.
At the train station, I visited Rossmann to buy a 2-in-1 shower gel. While browsing the shelves, I decided to choose a bar of soap instead, as it was not packaged in plastic like the shower gel. I bought a bar of soap.
In the evening, I went out to party again. This time, I tried a different strategy: instead of talking to women, I flirted only with my eyes. At Joy, I danced with a girl who looked Arabic. She asked for my name. I simply remained silent, smiled at her, and continued dancing. Fooling around with her was so much fun that other party guests joined in. Even a girl who had rejected me earlier suddenly showed interest when she noticed other women flocking around me. I also made physical contact with men, massaging the shoulders of every passerby. However, some men reacted aggressively when I touched them from behind. I held my hands up to signal that I meant no harm.
An older, bald gentleman hugged me and told me during the smoking break about his 38-year-old Iranian girlfriend and how great her pussy was. I just stood there and nodded. Then I continued dancing.
After the dancing was over and the wind outside had dried my sweat, I returned home and fell exhausted into bed. But sleep wouldn't come. I was still full of energy. I took out my phone and watched a video on how to control your own thoughts. That was currently my weakness, as my thoughts seemed to control me rather than me being able to control them.
There were indeed different thought patterns that strongly influenced my actions: the first thought pattern, let's call it the “Sex Machine,” became active as soon as I saw a sexy butt. I immediately felt the urge for physical contact. I could only get rid of this urge by masturbating. If I ignored it, it intensified until, regardless of how tired I was, I had to go out in the evening with the firm goal of finding someone for a one-night stand.
The second thought pattern, let's call it the "Sun Worshipper," came into play as soon as the weather was nice. If I simply turned my face towards the sun, I felt an irresistible urge to go outside, relax in a café, and listen to the murmuring of people in the background. Although this thought pattern felt good to me, it didn't really propel me forward in life. I wanted to free my actions from my thoughts, especially from the "Sex Machine," as it left me with little sleep and also tempted me to smoke in clubs.
The next day after going out, I woke up at eleven o'clock. The sun was shining, triggering the impulse in me, "You have to go out and enjoy it now." In the city, I sent off my old smartphone via DHL and then sat down at Back Factory at Steintor. At that time, the chairs outside were glowing in the sunlight, while everywhere else was shaded.
The city was bustling. Apparently, many people were guided by the second thought pattern. Suddenly, a dark-skinned woman sat down at my table.
"Enjoying the sun?" she asked me.
"Yes, you never know if these are the last rays of sunshine this year."
"You sound like my Christian convert friends over there on the avenue," she said.
She was referring to the women on the roadside who were handing out flyers with the teachings of Jesus Christ to passersby.
"What's your name?" she asked me.
"Alexander," I replied, without asking her name back because I didn't want to engage in conversation at that moment.
"Oh, Alexander, just like my supervisor."
"Your supervisor?" I asked curiously, when suddenly a huge older man sat down at our table in front of us and crossed his legs.
"Alexander, may I introduce you. This is my supervisor, also named Alexander."
"Hello Alexander. I am her psychiatrist. Beautiful weather today, isn't it?"
"Indeed. Do you know where we can get ice cream around here?" I replied, trying not to get entangled in the conversation and to leave as soon as possible.
"Over there at Giovanni's."
"Ah, thank you very much. Then I'll make my way there and enjoy some ice cream. Goodbye to both of you."
"Take care, Alexander. Maybe we'll run into each other again," said the woman, waving goodbye.
On the way there, I bought a calzone with cheese and tomato sauce to satisfy my hunger, and then treated myself to two scoops of ice cream: banana and blueberry. I sat down on the floor by the Kröpcke clock, licking my ice cream and watching the people.
Some time later, long after I had finished the ice cream, I was surprised again from behind. It was the dark-skinned woman once more.
"Hello Alexander. Here we are again," she said, sitting down next to me on the ground.
"Hey there," I tried to sound friendly.
"Say, wouldn't you want to buy me a coffee?" she asked, nudging me on the shoulder.
"No, sorry, I just want to sit here and people-watch for a bit," I replied.
"Why are you alone? Don't you have any friends?"
"Well, I do have two good friends, but I enjoy spending time alone."
"Okay, then I'll go to the other Alexander."
She sat down at the Löwenpick Café next door, and the two of them watched me. I found it strange, so I got up and took the tram to the university. I got off at Königsworther, looked around the Conti Campus to see if there were any beautiful girls sunbathing, and when I realized that unfortunately there was no one interesting there, I walked to the Welfengarten. From there, I headed towards E-Damm to Café Kopi.
There was a small line. A man behind me asked me about the magazine on the table.
"Do you know what utopian thinking is?" he asked me with a smile, pointing to the headline of the magazine.
"Utopian thinking is envisioning things that are still hard to imagine today. For example, if all people worldwide were to live vegan, or if city centers were completely car-free," I replied after a brief consideration.
"Ah, I see, thank you!" he replied.
I got myself a BioZisch with orange flavor and a piece of raspberry cheesecake. Then, I had a falafel kebab at Lavash around the corner. As I entered the shop, there was a young woman there.
"You can go ahead of me," she said kindly, stepping aside. We briefly locked eyes, and I responded a bit delayed: "Okay, thanks." Then her husband joined her, and my thought of asking her out on a date was dismissed.
After the kebab, I strolled back to Steintor and from there to Opernplatz, where I enjoyed the last rays of sun sitting on a bench. And so passed a typical day of a sun lover.
During the night, I spontaneously went to Dax and met Mo, my current Dax buddy, who always had a cigarette for me and was also on the lookout for girls. He was only eighteen years old, but behaved quite maturely, and I, at thirty, felt like an eighteen-year-old. Sometimes I played a game with him. It went like this: He would show me the woman I should approach and had to get her phone number. Then I would pick a woman for him. The goal was to collect more phone numbers than the other after ten exchanges. This time, he wasn't really in the mood and preferred to drink Wodka-E and smoke cigarettes with his classmate.
At home, after the ice-cold shower, I still felt totally awake. After showering, I lay down in bed and listened to a podcast suggested to me by Maxim Mankevich. One sentence from this podcast I could never forget. He said: "You can only achieve things when you let them go." This sentence stuck with me so strongly that attractive passersby no longer triggered a sex machine in me in the coming days.
Life upgrades:
- I don't own perfume anymore. Why? Many perfumes use exotic plants or rare animal species for production, which is not environmentally friendly. Scent perception is subjective: what is pleasant for one person may be unpleasant for another. Moreover, regular and excessive use of perfumes near the respiratory tract can have long-term health effects. I also save money: by skipping perfume, I save 70 euros a year, reduce my residual waste, and can concentrate better when working outside the home. Fun fact: Wasps are attracted to and irritated by perfumes, creams, and hairsprays.
- I no longer use 2-in-1 shower gel (shampoo + shower gel), but a solid soap for all-over body hygiene. This avoids a plastic container and saves me about 2 euros per month. The great thing about a solid soap is: unlike my shower gel, it lasts forever!