The Attempt to Contact Jana

February 2015. It was snowing heavily outside. As often lately, I looked out the window and thought about Jana. My mom came into my room and probably noticed that I wasn't doing well, although I tried to hide it from her. I knew she would probably say that I should finally forget about Jana and focus on my studies so that I would be successful professionally. Of course, that wouldn't cheer me up at all. But this time, to my surprise, she reacted very differently. We went for a walk together along the snowy fields, and she really tried to understand my feelings. After the walk, I felt better.

When she had to go to work for the late shift, I sat in front of the window and enjoyed the tranquility, the snow-covered fields, and the falling flakes against the white sky. I wondered what Jana was doing right now. I really wanted to hear her voice. So, I grabbed my phone, hoping to reach her. The voicemail picked up. Since it was hopeless to leave a message, I called the landline. After a few seconds, her father answered the phone.

“Hello, I just wanted to ask how Jana is doing.”

“She's fine,” he replied calmly.

She was at home, dealing with university applications. As I hung up, the thought arose: God, please make her happy, free her from the burden... Yet her father said she was fine. I was the one who was heartbroken and desperately trying to maintain contact with Jana.

Every damn day, I went down the station stairs hoping to see her below. As soon as I reached the last step, I got a lump in my throat. Every time, I looked around, hoping to see her somewhere. In vain.