The Love Letter to Jana
February 13, 2015. Erika Berger's horoscope rated today, regarding love and partnership, with five out of five hearts. Also, for Jana's zodiac sign and her birthday, five hearts were depicted. I knew immediately that I would encounter her today because on those days when she wasn't in my presence, the horoscope predicted only one, two, or at most three out of five hearts. If I had told Jana about the horoscope predictions, she would probably have just said they were pure coincidences. She was always more rational. Yet, despite her outward rationality, she was a very emotional, compassionate person. Perhaps I would be just like her if I had chosen my rational father over my emotional mother during my parents' divorce.
After the senselessly wasted time in the lectures, where I knew just as much as before, I set off for home at two o'clock. I walked along the carriages and looked left and right, hoping to finally see Jana. It was highly unlikely that I would meet her at this time because she should still be at work. But the hope that the horoscope gave me didn't even make me doubt for a moment. I walked determinedly through the carriages and actually met Jana. This time she wasn't drawing, instead, she was reading a book. I liked it so much about her, that she read.
I sat down next to her and greeted her. She greeted back but didn't say anything else. It was a satisfying feeling to see her again and to watch her reading. It reminded me of the days when we lay cuddled up in bed together, and she read me a passage from her book. If only I had known back then that our shared story would soon come to an end, I would have fallen to my knees and begged her not to take me seriously on that last day. She had to get off soon, although I had hoped she would stay and ride with me to my stop. When I got home, I wrote her a letter:
“Just before getting off, you tear a little piece of paper out of your notebook, which I kept between the pages of a book. That was November 20, 2014, a Thursday, around five o'clock - that's when you showed your extraordinary side and prompted me to talk to you. I will never forget that day.
I cannot be sure that God really wants the best for me; I don't know if he is merciful or sadistic by nature. I also don't know if you are my destiny, but something still keeps my faith and hope alive - despite your thrown dice. Even though it sometimes seems hopeless and very heart-wrenching for me in some moments, it is certainly no reason to give up on you. It may not be easy to recognize externally how much you mean to me, but inside my mind, an infinite longing for you unfolds; and as soon as you are in my presence, I feel so much joy and completeness of my spirit; which is hardly expressible in words. Our spirits are intertwined, Jana; perhaps that's why my hope continues to fight. P.S. I want us to be together for as long as possible.”
