Sleepless night of ideas. Worldview transformation. Taking donations instead of selling. My favorite sleeping positions without a pillow. Growing a beard on the neck?

October 31, 2024.

I wake up and hear a muffled voice in the background.

"Go to work. The way your life is, no woman will want you.”

For a brief moment, I think maybe it's a voice in my head or I'm in sleep paralysis and perceiving things that aren't real.

But then I reach for my smartphone and look at the time: 11:42 pm. I'm awake. It must be the neighbor upstairs I hear, I think at first. But as I listen further, I realize that it's my mother speaking out loud.

It's 1:33 am. I woke up briefly, with a stiff penis and an intense memory of my ex-girlfriend's roommate at the time. I was dreaming: I went into the bedroom in the dark, where the roommate (or even my cousin?) had just slept with a man - a student from our university, with Markus. I was glad when she woke up briefly and got up. Standing at the door, I gestured for her to follow me into the dark. She followed me and we went down to the cellar, where she gave me oral sex without being discovered. In the end, we were discovered, first by other people and then by Markus. The dream was over.

Somehow in this dream I felt like my soul had left my body while I was asleep, then wandered into the roommate and her boyfriend's bedroom and actually woke them up at that hour. My dream of having sex with my ex-girlfriend's roommate has now come true. 😛

It's 2:56 a.m. and I can't really sleep yet. So many different ideas are sprouting from my head:

• What you eat is not the plant, but the life in it.
• I am not born, but reborn.
• Recognize the person (the consciousness) BEHIND his personality.
• Communicate with feelings instead of words. The universal language of all life is energy.
• Thoughts on rebirth
• and much more.

One of the ideas was this: Based on the perception that I am not limited to my body, but that consciousness (the I) works its way through everything, I am the world. But if I am not only my body, but the whole world, then I should not only do good to my body, but to the whole world.

For example, let's take my mother, who (in this thought experiment) is interested in physics. Would I sell her my e-book on physics? No, I would simply give her the e-book as a gift without asking anything in return. It's up to her whether she gives me a thank you, a monetary donation, a hug or nothing at all. I do it without expecting anything in return - I do it because I love her, because she is a part of me, the consciousness.

I have been inspired by many spiritual people who offer their services on a donation basis. I think it's an ingenious concept that feels more right than setting a fixed price.

The people who use the service can give what the service is worth to them. This makes the providers who offer the most value to humanity monetarily richer.

I would extend this concept not only to services, but also to physical products. Everything that is currently sold at a fixed monetary value would then be given a variable value.

However, I don't think this will work until people detach themselves from their possessiveness. Minimalism can help on this path, but in my experience I can say that it is not the solution. The solution is awakening. Let's put it this way: minimalism makes awakening easier. Minimalism is like the index finger pointing at the sun - but minimalism is not the sun.

I notice how my previous, purely materialistic world view is changing into a spiritual-materialistic world view. I realize - or rather, sense - that the world cannot be explained by logic alone, not just by cause and effect, by the brain and hormone cocktails. There is something non-material behind it, something that brings matter to life in the first place.

What I also find exciting: I do almost nothing, just sit, drink tea, learn and fantasize - and yet my life feels as eventful as if I were taking a trip around the world, but a world trip not through the earth, but through the entire universe.

It's exactly 4:00 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, but I don't really feel tired either. I feel the urge to get up now and implement new ideas I had about the website:

• External CSS file integrated internally in HTML (libraries.yml deleted)
• Automatic spelling correction, comma and punctuation as well as capitalization turned off on the smartphone. (It annoyed me to be corrected incorrectly).
• A link to jump to the next diary entry labeled " Continue reading" and integrated directly in the content and not in the code. Deleted the corresponding Twig files. (The website is slowly turning into a pure HTML page. Do I still need an extensive CMS?)
• Fixed some errors in the database and removed old Twig variables.
• “A new life” changed to “A new world”. And “Birth” to “Rebirth”.
• I now offer my eBooks about physics completely free of charge. I've also removed all the marketing ploys to encourage people to buy. People can decide for themselves how much the eBooks are worth to them. However, this removes a passive monthly income of around 100 euros.
• By replacing the purchase option with donations, I was able to delete 11 modules for purchase integration. So many server resources freed up! 🤯
• CSS file extremely cleaned up after all the deleting of classes. I also cleaned up the server hard disk.
• By uninstalling countless modules, I was able to upgrade the CMS to Drupal 11. Yay!

I looked at myself in the mirror. My left eyelid is a little swollen. In Russia they say 'menyà kto-to sglàzil', which translates roughly as 'someone has bewitched me with the evil eye'. Maybe my mother, the other day during an argument?

I haven't shaved my neck for several days and my hair has grown a little longer. I wonder what it would look like if I let it grow further on my neck? Maybe it wouldn't look so bad. Then I could keep the hair on my neck and get rid of the electric trimmer. That would definitely be practical because I wouldn't have to charge it and I wouldn't have to trim the hair. However, mom thinks I look unkempt, like a homeless person. Tobi thinks I look more like a primitive man. 😄

The tiredness returned around 9am, but disappeared again after a delicious breakfast with the family.

As you know, I sleep without a pillow and prefer to sleep on the hard floor. The sleeping positions have changed over time since I ditched the pillow. Here are my favorite sleeping positions: Sleeping position on the stomach and on the arm Side sleeping position with bent leg Sleeping position sideways on the arm. My absolute favorite position! Sleeping position sideways with the arm behind the back Sleeping position on the back with leg bent Sleep like in a coffin :D

I noticed that I had deleted some of the diary entries without having made a backup when I was tinkering with the website. I had previously read Eckhart Tolle's book, in which he talks about the suffering associated with possessions. Every object that is linked to the word 'mine' causes pain if it is lost, for example. I briefly felt this very pain because I destroyed part of my work. But about ten minutes later, I came to terms with it.

I am grateful today:

• For choosing to take donations rather than sell.
• For having a delicious breakfast with family.
• For having lots of cool ideas tonight.

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